Obligatory genderneutral bits
Highgate School in North London used to be an all-boys ’ establishment . Now it sees itself at the cutting edge of gender equality , becoming one of the first schools to introduce unisex toilets , a move which backfired spectacularly when parents complained . Then it introduced gender-neutral uniforms and , over Christmas , rewrote the traditional carol as God Rest Ye Merry Gentlefolk .
Now , the new president of the Girls ' Schools Association , Gwen Byrom , says women who want to get on in life should look for a “ househusband ,” conveniently ignoring the reaction which would arise if a male teacher had told his pupils that men who want to succeed should get themselves a “ housewife .”
But , of course , it ’ s not only schools which are ready to leap onto the genderneutral bandwagon . Even the old lady of Threadneedle Street has been drawn into the correctness . The Bank of England , nicknamed The Old Lady for almost 300 years , has promised to banish gendered language from its rulebooks by stopping the use of masculine words such as “ chairman ” and “ grandfathering ” in a bid to make sure its documents and letters are viewed as gender neutral .
The British Army has outlawed “ mankind ,” “ sportsmanship ” and “ gentleman ’ s agreement ,” while Network Rail have told their maintenance crews not to refer to themselves as the Orange Army , after the colour of their high-vis jackets . Rail Chiefs seem to think women will be put off joining any group called an “ Army .” That ’ s Army as in Salvation Army ...
And by the way , don ’ t go searching in your local supermarket for “ Man Size Tissues ” any more . They have fallen by the PC wayside . Tesco ’ s own brand are now simply “ extra large ” with a sad and apologetic footnote on the box which reads , “ Previously called mansize .”
They walk amongst us
They say a workman is only as good as his tools , a point which was lost on thieves in India who decided to steal 12,000 litres of petrol from a tanker in Hyderbad . It all began well , as they punctured holes in the tanker to let the fuel pour out into small drums . However , in trying to cover their tracks , they decided to weld the holes closed ... using a blowtorch . In the inevitable explosion which followed , flames rose 30 feet in the air and set fire to another
Jottings
tanker parked nearby while a number of bystanders were injured .
Police in Canada have revealed that a police dog “ easily ” tracked down a thief who had stolen three large packages of steak from a supermarket . “ The steaks were recovered from the suspect ,” the Saint John police department said . “ Probably not the best thing to be carrying when a determined police service dog is tracking you down .”
One of a gang of three who raided a jewellers in Carlisle was so excited by their success that he ran from the scene ... straight into a metal pole supporting a traffic sign , then fell and fractured his collarbone . When all three appeared in court last month , his lawyer described their efforts as , “ unsophisticated .”
A fast food delivery rider was able to hand a customer their order , despite the fact he had just climbed out of their fish pond . The incident in an unidentified Chinese town began when he tripped into the pond full of koi carp , before dragging himself out and handing over the soggy meal . No fish were injured .
Police in central Germany have revealed that a man has been arrested at the scene of a burglary . According to local media , the man broke into a home , ransacked the property and then fell asleep on the couch , where the homeowners found him . Police say drugs might have been a factor in the crime .
Only in the US
City workers in Philadelphia were ordered to apply a layer of grease to lampposts throughout the city in a bid to stop fans climbing the poles in celebration if the local Philadelphia Eagles were to defeat the Minnesota Vikings for a berth in the Super Bowl . The Eagles won 38-7 . No lampposts were harmed .
A North Carolina man charged with breaking into a Dunkin ’ Donuts shop was an immediate police suspect when the crime was reported . Bradley Hardison , 27 , was known to police as he had won a doughnut eating competition staged by the department in 2014 .
Slighty rude stuff
A petition has been launched to change a street ’ s “ offensive ” name after residents complained they have become a “ laughing stock .” People living in Bell End in the West Midlands town of Sandwell say it is one of the rudest street names in England . A petition on change . org calling on Sandwell Council to change the name has attracted 12 signatures so far amid claims that young residents could be bullied at school . However Stephen Young , of Minge Lane in Worcester , which was voted the rudest-sounding street name in a 2014 poll , called the reaction “ a bit silly .”
Quotes
Some of the worst US newspaper headlines of 2017 collected by the Columbia Journalism Review of New York and their contributors .
“ Students get first hand job experience ” ( A hyphen would have been useful ) “ Threat disrupts plans to meet about threats ” ( OK . Next ?) “ Study shows frequent sex enhances pregnancy chances ” ( That explains a lot ) “ Amphibious pitcher makes debut ” ( They meant ambidextrous ... probably .) “ Good news about dying in our homes ” ( Is this about colouring garments ?) “ Sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout line in supermarket ” ( Dale Winton would be proud .) “ Missippi ’ s literacy program shows improvement ” ( Which state is that ?) “ More dead cats found ” ( Hold the front page !) “ CNN reports that Cecil the lion ’ s brother Jericho , who is also a lion ...” ( Surprise surprise .) “ Eating chips twice a week ‘ doubles your chance of death ’ says study ” ( Doubly certain , then ?) “ Study says homicides shortened men ’ s life span ” ( Academics get paid for this stuff , you know .) “ Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs ” ( Who ’ d have thought it ?) “ Marijuana issue sent to joint committee ” ( That ’ ll weed out the problem .) “ Donald Trump no longer thinks ...” ( Unfortunate abbreviation on CNN website ... or is it ?) “ One legged man stole trainer ” ( We ’ re on the verge of giving up .) “ Arizona psychic hit by car says he never saw it coming ” ( We give up .)
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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