Jottings baggers , with the Germans lagging well behind . Bit like the World Cup then ... However , the Spanish are fighting back with some resorts locally taking drastic action . Beach furniture left unattended is collected by council workers and taken to the town hall where it can be retrieved by its owners on payment of a fee .
But don ’ t worry , summer is almost over . The first back-to-school commercial was heard on British TV on July 20 . Time to get out the Christmas card list ...
Council Capers
North Somerset Council was in the news during June after newly-painted double yellow lines were discovered swerving around a pothole . Workmen carefully painted the lines parallel to the pavement until they reached a metrelong pothole at the edge of the tarmac . The lines then turned into the road and ran along the edge of the unrepaired defect . Criticism mounted as photos of the interesting artwork spread on social media , with local people commenting that the Council was clearly more interested in making money from parking fines than making roads safe by repairing potholes . Eventually , North Somerset Travel and Roads apologised on its Facebook page . “ Hands up ,” it wrote , “ we got this one wrong ,” and undertook to repair the road and repaint the markings . Perhaps it should also train its staff to be less , er , creative and to report problems responsibly ?
Reading and wronging
LinkedIn is an internet site which seeks to connect employers with those looking for work . Despite its worldwide popularity , one user recently illustrated that LinkedIn does not appear to monitor what its users post .
This user ’ s education record shows that he published a Research Doctorate on pornography at Harvard University , that he holds a Masters Degree in Mixology at the London Business School and that he qualified at Pasadena City College as a medical doctor specialising in Party Medicine . His work experience includes 51 years as Senior Vice President of the US Air Force and 48 years as a phlebotomist at a fast-food restaurant chain before moving to his present position as a pornographer at McDonald ’ s .
Despite all this nonsense , LinkedIn immediately and inexplicably responded with a “ special gift – a free trial of LinkedIn Premium Career ,” whatever that is , and offered connections to two other LinkedIn members - both of whom were described as owner / operators at McDonald ’ s Corporation . We ’ re sure they ’ d love to hear from him .
And while LinkIn seems not to read , bus driver Allan Coote has been arrested in London for doing exactly that . In fact , he was reading out loud from the Bible in the grounds of St Paul ’ s Cathedral . The 55-year-old says he never received a complaint from the public , but was asked to move on by St Paul ’ s security staff . When he refused , saying he had the right to spread the word of God , the police were called .
A video shot by his wife appeared on YouTube and shows him being read his rights by an officer . He was then bundled into a police van , driven a few hundred yards and released with no further action being taken . Christian groups have condemned the cathedral ’ s stance against preachers as “ an attack on religious freedom ” and called on the Government to intervene . A spokesman for the Cathedral said , “ St Paul ’ s has a policy of limiting any form of public oration , protest , demonstration , preaching or other source of disturbance to people .” He has perhaps forgotten that this is the same space where Occupy London anti-capitalists set up a vast tent city outside the cathedral in 2011 . Their “ disturbance to people ” was allowed to continue for four months . Just saying ...
Cow Corner
Police in south Wales opened an investigation in June following reports of a cow being carried in a car travelling along the M4 towards Port Talbot . Someone in a vehicle following the light blue Volkswagen Passat posted a photo on social media which clearly shows the young animal ’ s face happily peering out of the back window . The RSPCA condemned the action while the AA said overloading vehicles can put strain on the tyres and affect the handling and the braking . Penalties for overloading include a fine of up to £ 300 (€ 356 ) and three penalty points on the driver ’ s licence . Police eventually found the driver who has been “ spoken to ” although it remains unclear why the cow was in the vehicle . Perhaps it ’ s a new form of cattle-itic converter ?
Meanwhile , Leeds City Council has ordered the noise of a herd of cows to be monitored for a year after a dispute between two neighbours about excessive mooing was raised during a planning hearing . The complainant , a Mr Bullock ( honestly !), played councillors the sounds of cows mooing during a retroactive planning hearing for a barn to house animals at an organic farm near to his home . “ The noise has been intolerable ,” he said . “ I have to lie there in bed listening to this bellowing .” He claimed the barn was built as a hay store but is now being used to house cattle . The farmer explained that , “ Cows only moo when they ’ re unhappy , and we have pretty happy cows here .” However , his Twitter account branded the dispute and its coverage in the media as “# fakemoos ”
And finally …
In the King ’ s Heath district of Birmingham , the High Street is reported now to have a branch of Specsavers between a Lloyds ’ Pharmacy and a Greggs the Bakers . Specs and drugs and sausage rolls ...
Quotes
The appearance of The Donald in the UK last month was mired in criticism and controversy , but luckily , there was humour amongst the crowds who turned out to protest against his policies and personality . Apart from several demonstrators who reminded him that “ trump ” is a rather rude slang word in Britain , there was a great turn of wit displayed on their placards , especially those seen in Edinburgh and Glasgow . Here ’ s a selection of those suitable for family viewing .
“ You ’ re even worse than Morrisey .” “ Don ’ t comb-over here .” “ My mum doesn ’ t like you and she likes everyone .” “ Argos has better cabinets .” “ Weans ( young children ) want Irn-Bru , not iron cages .” “ Trump wears poorly tailored suits .” “ Hugh Grant was a better world leader .” “ I wish my boyfriend was a dirty as your policies .” “ Super callous , fragile , racist , sexist , Nazi , POTUS .”
And a Tweet posted by the White House advised the breathless and waiting world that the President of the United States of America , “ had tea with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Windsor Castle before departing the U . K .” He ’ d actually left to travel to Scotland , but , then , the country has only been part of the UK since 1707 so they won ’ t have caught up yet ...
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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