Soltalk April 2018 | Page 30

Festival who sold £22 tickets promising a “plethora of the finest international cheesemakers and mongers showcasing their amazing cheeses.” But ticket holders demanded refunds after the Big Cheese Festival ran out of ... er ... cheese. The weather was blamed, but perhaps if they had planned more Caerphilly it would have all gone Feta. ... an unnamed 12-year-old Chinese boy who, finding himself alone in a lift, decided to urinate all over the buttons, causing them to fuse. A CCTV camera in the elevator caught him looking terrified as the lights flashed on and off and the doors opened and closed rapidly. He had to be rescued after his wee prank backfired. Urine trouble, my lad! New technology The Church of England is supplying its parishes with contactless, virtual, terminal and SMS mobile payments so vicars will be able to offer cashless payment options for events from weddings and christenings to concerts, as well as making one-off donations or booking churches and halls. Passing a reader around the congregation for the collection is also being trialled, and is expected to be rolled out in due course. Let us pay. A self-declared Australian cyborg has been fined after he was unable to produce his travel card on request because it had been implanted in his hand. The 34-year-old had the chip from the card, coated in bio-compatible plastic, inserted unde