Small Business Today Magazine AUG 2014 SIVER STONE EVENTS | Page 20
EDITORIALFEATURE
How to Assert Yourself without
Alienating Clients or Employees
By Aaron Kaplan
A
sking for what you want and setting
boundaries around what you don’t want
is a key life skill. But sometimes in our
enthusiasm to practice this skill, we overdo our own assertiveness and end up with a
potential client, customer, or employee who
shuts down, gets angry, or feels resentful. Here
are four tips for developing your assertiveness in
a way that will actually strengthen, deepen, and
enrich your professional (and even personal)
relationships, thus avoiding the “alienation trap”:
1. Get Clear
Being assertive starts with knowing what you are
and aren’t willing to be, do, or have. For many of
us, coming to this knowledge is a real task unto
itself. Here, it may be useful to ask, “In an ideal
world, what would I like to happen?” Focusing
on an ideal outcome opens our minds, prevents
us from falling into passivity or “victim-thinking,”
and helps us get really clear on what we want
and don’t want.
2. Set Boundaries
Once you know what outcome you need (or
want), share it. Pay attention to the way stating
your boundary feels in your body. With practice,
you can actually sense when you’re hitting the
“sweet spot.” It can feel really pleasurable, even
exhilarating, to express your needs or desires
out loud. Phrases like “such and such doesn’t
work for me” are simple ways of being assertive
while maintaining a connection with your client
or employee.
If an employee, customer, or
client isn’t respecting your
boundaries even though
you’ve set them clearly, it may
be time to reevaluate
practice and for others to hear. Also, when bigger issues come along, you and your employees,
clients, or customers will have a healthy process
in place for dealing with differences in needs and
you’ll have greater confidence in the resilience
of your relationship.
4. Give as Much as You Get
Assertiveness is a two-way street. If you want
your boundaries to be respected, you must return the courtesy to others. If you want employees to take care of certain tasks or errands,
just make a simple request and ask them when
they can realistically get them accomplished. If
a client or customer asks you to give them a
little extra attention, respect that if at all possible.
When it comes to following through on someone’s reasonable request, actions really do speak
louder than words.
If an employee, customer, or client isn’t respecting your boundaries even though you’ve
set them clearly, it may be time to reevaluate
your relationship with this individual and decide
whether it is truly worth keeping this individual
on as a client, customer, or employee.
3. Make a Regular Habit of Stating
Your Needs and Desires
You can build your assertiveness the same way
you build any muscle - exercise. Practice speaking about your needs on a daily basis regardless
if they are big or small. When you speak about
things that are less controversial, both you and
your customers and employees get used to
your assertiveness. It becomes easier for you to
18 SMALL BUSINESS TODAY MAGAZINE [ AUGUST 2014 ]
Aaron Kaplan, Founder/Director of the Kaplan Project LLC,
can be reached by phone at 832-831-9451, by email at
[email protected], or visit his website at www.
thekaplanprojectcoaching.com.