"Amanda Rae has experienced the discrimination and bullying, but is determined to help change things and bring hope to a population that is seemingly dismissed and ridiculed by those who don’t understand or are quick to condemn."
Depression Sets In: Almost Ate Herself to Death
Through her teen years, she became more and more depressed and "almost ate myself to death,” she said. “High school felt like prison and I relied on recreational drugs to cope with life.”
She would see other women and curse herself internally because she simply wasn’t born the way she had always felt. “I hid my feelings and really started to think I was insane,” she said.
Amanda Rae grew up in a very conservative household and knew sharing her true feelings would mean “disaster for my home life,” so she kept them to herself. It wasn’t until the summer of 2012 after her father, whom Amanda Rae said was not at all accepting, passed away and she graduated from her conservative religious high school, that she began to truly identify with her female gender.
“I took it all as an opportunity from the universe to learn who I really am. I did some research, then more, and finally came to the realization that I was a textbook transgender woman."
Stepping into Amanda Rae
That was four years ago. The journey to today, which finds Amanda Rae happy in her own skin and a proud spokesperson for the transgender population, and further, in high demand as a model, has been riddled with pain, sorrow, loss of friends and for a time, loss of family.
“Things were very trying at first,” she said. “For several months there was a big rift between my family and me - they felt that I was turning my back on God. Most did not speak to me for some time, and people hypothesized about how I must’ve been sexually abused or undergone some trauma to become what I am, none of which was true.”
Amanda Rae has sustained incredible ridicule and cruelty along with the social media scorn and bullying through the course of her journey. “People can be cruel, but I am extremely resilient and my confidence has soared with the support I have from others. My ability to be a spokesperson for others through modeling has been a gift,” she said. “It has helped me realize that I am strong enough to express myself however I please and that I should voice my feelings and encourage others to do the same. It’s a powerful creative outlet.”
One of the biggest misconceptions Amanda Rae hopes to challenge is that “transgender women all look like linebackers in dresses,” when in reality, trans people are very diverse, like anyone else.
“I like challenging that misconception and I credit Kerri Jean, now my best friend, as the first photographer I approached when I wanted to build a career,” she said. “She believed in me and gave me my first shoot. We haven’t looked back.”
Photography by
Jan Stankewitz