He brought back a Sprite . Fearing for my life , I looked in my purse and began to swallow my entire bottle of ulcer medication . I thought to myself , “ If I could just scare him then maybe ...”
It worked . He took me to my sister ’ s place . It was then I realized I had taken an overdose , and I was afraid . I was speechless . Of course , I had forgotten I had gone MIA for two days , putting some male over my obligations to her . She was too upset to talk to me . I had betrayed her .
I was Judas Iscariot and felt utterly alone . I locked myself in the room and overdosed on my five remaining bottles of medication . Realizing what I had done , I called 911 . They rushed me to Carolina Medical Center Trauma Unit . Intravenous needles were stuck in my veins . I heard in the distance “... temperature 110 and rising ... 120 and rising ...,” and I could not ingest the charcoal fast enough .
They thrust tubes down my nose . I began to hemorrhage with blood pouring from my nose . None of the tubes were small enough . A nurse covered my feet and asked , “ Would you like to see the minister ?” I heard her , but apparently , she did not hear my dry lips whisper “ no ” or see me shaking my head , because she said , “ Bring the minister in .” I did not need a minister . What has God ever done for me ? What I needed was to end it all . I needed to die . I blacked out .
Several hours later , I woke up in the ICU recovery room . The next day , I felt downright awful . My whole body ached . There was no feeling in my arms and legs , and my mental distress was the worst of all . I was alive . I was a failure , even at death .
A nurse asked me if I still wanted to take my life , and I told her yes . I confided in her about my worthless life . It held no purpose , and I felt like neither did I . I began to cry . I cried for every sin that I committed . I cried for every sleepless night and unanswered prayer . I cried . Mrs . Agnes held me and simply responded , “ Let it go . Give it to Jesus .” I said helplessly , “ But , I am so alone .” She said , “ With Jesus you ’ re never alone .”
I was baptized at fifteen , but on July 7 , 2002 , I was reborn . I went from near death , a wheelchair , and into a homeless shelter within one week .
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