Marti Miller I contributing writer
THE MEN TOUR
A Wisely Advised History Trip
Ah,
yes... June is the month we celebrate the men. I
am particularly excited to celebrate them this month as I will
be marrying one really great one on the 22nd (more on that
in August issue, I suspect – you’ve been warned). And since
the old wedding bells (and I do mean old) are about to ring,
it seemed like a good time to take a little trip down memory lane – on last men tour, if you will. Of course that phrase
rather quickly led me to think about actual mentors – those
amazing people in our lives that wisely advise us, sometimes
without realizing what they are truly doing for us! Come to
find out, the men tour is a pretty effective mentor trip as well.
I guess that makes sense. The word mentor does have a
lot of testosterone in it. Many ascribe its origin to the Greeks.
Mentor was a character in the Odyssey – a friend of Odysseus
and advisor to his son, Telemachus. He was the first known
literary “wise advisor”. How could it take me this long (age 60)
to realize that male mentors have been threaded throughout
most of my life? I’ve always attributed good advice to the
women I knew/know – who knew the men could contribute
too. Man, what a surprising development.
Without further ado, and in order of appearance, the men
tour looks like this for me:
The Daddy/Father/Dad – He was the first man in my life.
And because I was the ninth girl in his (1 mother, 2 sisters, 1
wife, 5 daughters), my entrance was not exactly newsworthy or special! But we developed a relationship over time
that helped me determine that only certain men make great
daddies. He was already pushing 40 when I arrived, so our
bonding took on much more meaning as we both grew older. He was of the generation that lived through the Depression, wore a uniform in World War II, and worked steadfastly
to provide for a family while his wife maintained the home
front. Being surrounded by women most of his life, he was,
in a word, spoiled. He was also very well versed in playing
the “oh, poor me – I have no sons – how terribly awful for
me” game, while secretly basking in the glory of being waited on rather consistently and most contentedly. He was not
quick with the “I love you” phrase – at least not until he was
closer to the end of his life – and then he said it often, with
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June 2014
powerful and effective meaning until he escaped this world
just a few weeks short of 90 years. I do miss him, but he left
behind some great counsel.
The brother(s) – if you’re lucky enough to have any. I didn’t.
Not a single one! I’m clueless on what it means to have a
brother mentor. But I have gathered a basketball team of
brothers-in-law (five so far – and will add a few more on June
22nd). They have each offered their own forms of mentoring,
from teaching me to be a better swimmer to providing lessons
in humor and exactly what to look for in a husband. I still wish
I had a brother though – maybe a younger one I could boss
around. Being the baby is not all it’s cracked up to be.
The first crush (and second…and possibly third) - we
learn a great deal about ourselves by discovering who we
are attracted to and who is attracted to us. My very first
one delivered our newspaper on his bicycle…in 6th grade.
Turns out we dated off and on through college and beyond,
never quite making it to the altar. He was the first to prick
my heart and the first to break it. We took turns doing that
– he taught me all about bad and good timing. He was also
the first “date” after my husband died – if you count attending a high school reunion a year later as a date. It wasn’t.
But he helped me determine that there could be some life
remaining after all the grief and sadness of terminal cancer.
It wouldn’t happen with him, of course, but he helped me
see some light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
The first husband – Although he left much earlier than expected, it wasn’t his choice to go. He fought and fought, up to
the very end of his life, to stay. He taught me that hugs and
loudness and boldness are not such bad things. He taught
me that it’s not necessarily how you start out in life that matters. It’s how you finish. He finished well - and left a legacy of
love for his children. For me, he left the advice to seek a full
life – one that centered on hope and edged in laughter.
The son and bonus sons – I have one biological son, one
bonus son from first marriage and another bonus son from
this new and last one. They have mentored me (and will continue to, I hope) for years to come. My son has just completed
a five year Army tour and is ready to fully engage in civilian
life once again. He has showered me with unbelievable life
lessons, this “child-man” that I have loved from before his
birth. He also showered me right after his birth – which is
not surprising considering my lack of male baby parts experience. Fortunately, I learned quickly not to yawn while diapering, no matter how tired.
My bonus sons – one 45 and one 30, both married, have
taught me what it is to choose to love another woman’s son
and be permitted to do so without conditions or limits. It is
a privilege to be “related” to them – no matter how distant
that connection may be.
The last husband – I cannot begin to describe all of the mentoring this man has done with me. All I know is he must be fairly
exhausted by the efforts. Every day he shows me what it is to
be a godly person (and an occasional pain in the neck with a
dry, tart wit and low tolerance for my sometimes northward
attitude). Life is filled with joy, even within the low points and
storms, as long as he is with me. He has loved me through our
differences and without hesitation. There will be no other for
me. I will love him all the remaining days of my life.
There is one, however, that mentors like no other I have
mentioned. He is the first, last, and only one that truly matters in and beyond this world – He is mentor, father, brother,
and groom. He is salt, light, spirit, soul, and body – our Savior and soon-coming King, Jesus Christ. The prophet Isaiah
(Isaiah 9:6 NLT) said it best:
For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
And on that glorious verse, dear reader, the June 2014
Men Tour has ended. They have mentored well and I have
learned much. God willing, there will be many more trips
ahead on this journey.
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