until I saw he enjoyed using me as a verbal punching bag. I finally said that I’d
appreciate it if he kept his disrespectful comments to himself. That’s when he
started calling me a pussy. It escalated after I told him that if he had some sort of
problem with me, we could settle it physically. He said he wanted me to slip the
cuffs. I didn’t like that idea since I had already been in the hole a year and a half,
but I tried it anyway. Twice. I slipped the cuffs while I was still in a rec cage once
and in a shower stall another time. By doing it that way, I could face them before
they opened the door. He didn’t want to face me head-on, though. Only when
they already had their hands on me and my back was to them did he want me to
slip the cuffs. But I was nobody’s fool. He continued leaving the cuffs untightened
so he could feel like a hard-ass, I imagined.
We entered the stairwell, and Big One said, “Talk some shit back here, mother
fucker. Go on, you fucking toughguy.”
I smiled. “I don’t think you realize this, but you’re the one that—”
48
“That’s what the fuck I thought,” he sneered. “I knew you were too pussy to talk
shit back here.”
I should’ve laughed at this point, but I felt like I was being threatened. Being
threatened is different from trash talk, so I told him, “Fuck you, bitch—” I wanted
to ask him after that if he was going to beat me while I was in shackles and
handcuffs like a coward now, but he slammed my head into the cinderblock
wall beside me before I got the chance. He put his weight behind each slam. It’s
hard to recall how many times he smashed my head against the wall before he
stopped. I wondered how in the hell he thought he was going to get away with the
assault until I felt him stop and pull one of the handcuffs off of me. And there was
my answer.
Worried that I may try to swing on him, Big One immediately threw his weight on
me. Because I was in a corner, I was pushed down into a squat. He then jumped
on me. Now, any serious weightlifter who has squatted massive weight and
bent down a little too low can attest to the fact you can defecate doing this. And
having the fat-ass Big One jumping on me from that position produced this effect
on me. Even though shitting myself was something to contemplate, I was more