EDITORIAL FEATURE
Networking with Sub-Texting
BY Gail Stolzenburg
W
ould you agree that most people
make the decision about continuing the conversation with
you in the first few seconds?
Then, would you also agree with me that
most people are greatly influenced by
what you do and what you say in those
first few seconds? There are some unspoken signals called sub-tests we are sending everytime we communicate.
The word “sub-text” is used to describe
words or actions used during your conversation which were never announced
explicitly, but carried an underlying or
explicit meaning, which the other person understood and which affected the
another persons feelings or emotions. It
is an indirect way of communicating, but
is a very vital part of our communication
method. We all use sub-testing every day
in many ways.
Physical gestures such as movement
of your eyes, smiling (mouth & eyes), eye
contact, using your hands, or the poistion of your body can communicate a
variety of signals to your listener.The key
to effective communications is mastering tonality and body signals. Have you
ever had someone look away when they
see you approaching? What did that
communicate to you? How did you feel?
Rather than being born with Sub-texting
abilities, they are something we learn
over time. They have more effect than
the words you are using and can reverse
the impression you are trying to create.
One of the best sources on networking
is the “Networking Times” magazine published by Bob Proctor, a networking legend. A recent issue has an article by Gina
Barrett entitled, “Is Sub-Text Dominating
Your Communications” where Gina says:
“In business (networking), subtext can
be influenced by multiple factors: relationships, gender, age, appearance, power dynamics, yesterday’s meeting. The
question is, “What is driving a conversation?” Is it the words spoken, or the unspoken ways those words are expressed?
We can never, nor should we eliminate
subtext, it is a vital part of our communication. To understand subtext, ask yourself 3 questions:
•
•
•
What is dominating the exchange,
the words spoken or the subtext?
If the subtext dominates, is it undermining the exchange?
How can the unspoken be artfully
brought into the conversation?”
Denis Waitley says we learn by observation, imitation, and repetition. Successful
networkers spend 70% of their time listening and watching, so begin by becoming aware of the sub-texts during your
conversation. Once we have identified a
sub-text, we need to determine how it is
affecting the conversation and what to do
about it. If the affect is negative, the best
action is to bring it up in a tactful non-aggressive way to dispel the effect.
Would it be helpful to learn how to identify the sub-text you are using during your
communications? One of the ways to learn
what people are hearing and seeing while
conversing with you is to video your conversations or just talk into a mirror. You
may be surprised at what you learn. Another way is to ask them questions to see if
you have understood their demeanor.
Earlier we mentioned sub-texting with
eye contact. Always focus entirely on the
person to whom you are talking, eliminate all other distractions, and be in the
moment. Really listen and nod occassionally to let them know you are listening.
And, as you will read in Rod “The Storyteller” White’s new book “Sales Secrets
of the Left Eye”, look into the person’s
left eye. Doing this actually activates the
person’s creativity and they become more
open to what you are communicating to
them. They also feel you are looking into
both of their eyes. This is amazing. Try it.
A tool most effective communicators
use is curiosity, which does a good job
of difussing the sub-texts. For instance,
when you meet someone, rather than introducing yourself as a “banker”, where
they automatically assume they know
what you do, you might ask, “Do you
know how most people have difficulty
understanding the loan process? Well,
what our clients do is use 3 easy steps to
eliminate confusion”. The next question
logicaly is “How do you do that” and the
conversation continues.
So, during your next communication
listen and look for the sub-texts, both
the other persons and yours, and use
your word ́