Priceless Parenting
The key to any healthy relationship is effective communication. The parent-child relationship is no different. Our
children seek out our attention when they are young.
They pursue us. It is the parents’ responsibility to simply
be available and engage in the conversation. When they
begin adolescence, around the age of 11, they stop seeking our attention. This does not mean they don’t want or
need our attention. You just change roles. Parents must
pursue their children.
Here are some tips to help you build strong communication with your child.
1. Make time to talk - Even if you have a busy
schedule, set a time, everyday, that is blocked off
so you can spend quality time with your child;
talking and listening to them. Bed time is a great
time. It can be as little as 10 minutes.
2. Have parent/child dates - Go on a date with
your child! Have fun! Let them choose the activity. Not only do you get to spend some quality
time together, you also learn what your child
enjoys. Set the date. Write it on the calendar so
you both have something to look forward to.
3. Ask open ended questions - Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered with a
simple yes, no or fine. Examples of open-ended
questions or responses are: What was something
good/bad about your day? What do you like
about playing soccer? I want to understand.
Please help me. Tell me more about that.
4. Validation - Validate your child’s feelings. You
may not agree but let them know that their feelings are okay. Then you can help them figure out
the best response to that feeling.
5. Reflective listening - The best way to keep a conversation going is to use reflective listening. It’s
very simple. You just reflect back what you heard
your child say without your opinion included.
30 | Royal & Radiant Magazine
Here’s an example using these tips:
Parent: Hi sweetie. Tell me about the high and
low of your day.
Child: I’m so mad at my teacher! She wouldn’t
let us choose our own groups so now I’m in a
group with Tamia and Cara. They don’t even like
me! I guess I’m just gonna fail this project. Ugh!
Parent: So you’re mad at your teacher because
instead of allowing you to choose your group,
she put you in a group with two people you believe don’t like you.
Child: Yes! Exactly! Can you believe it? Of all the
people in the class! I can’t work with them. Now
I’m gonna fail.
Parent: I’d be annoyed about being in a group
with people that don’t like me. I understand.
Sounds like you think failing is the only option in
this situation.
Child: I guess it’s not the only option. I just don’t
know how I’m going to work with them. What do
you think Mom/Dad?
Parent: Well…let’s work through this together.
See how that worked? Now, I can’t guarantee
that EVERY conversation will go this well but the
more you communicate in this manner the
better skilled you’ll become. Practice makes
better (not perfect). Try to incorporate at least
one of these tips into your interaction with your
child. I’m sure you’ll see a positive effect on your
relationship.
Chrystol Wilson-Payne is a licensed professional
counselor. She is a wife and mother of twin daughters. Chrystol believes her purpose is to encourage
and help others along their journey of becoming
better in whatever area of life they seek to improve.