The Hunger
By Tessa Adams
Percy was on his way to work on this very
important day. Before he walked out, he checked
his appearance. He smiled and adjusted his tie so
that it was centered. He grimaced and he felt his
face relax to its normal state. He looked up at the
clock and frowned. It was tilted ever so slightly,
and this would not do. Not today. It had to be
perfect. This was a very important day after all.
He turned back to look at his living room before
he walked out of his house. His eyes bounced
between the neatly organized bookshelf and the
dusted coffee table. It was ready. With a sigh and
his eyes set, Percy trudged to his dusty brown Alero. He admired its state. The car wash did the old
thing some good. Everything was just as it should
be. He was going to do this today.
His drive to work on this very important day
was much like all of the others, except he knew
the choices he would have to make in order to
persevere. Like Whitney. It seemed so easy for her.
He’d do it for Whitney. He thought back fondly
to their walk around the lake by his house. At the
time, he was questioning whether or not to take a
job offer, and she was listening intently. Her beautiful blue eyes were soft with understanding that
this was his only choice, and the breeze allowed
her hair to frame her cheeks. What had she said?
“Once you desire more, Percy, it’s simply over for
your old life. It’s not important how you change
it. Just that you do. Do it right away. Don’t stop
to question. Once the hunger hits you and grabs
you and won’t let go, only then will you know it’s
real and it’s time. You’ll know, Percy.”
He liked to remember Whitney’s words each
morning before he arrived at work. He liked to
think Whitney was right about him. That he’d be
so sure of himself when the time came. That he’d
be so confident he could take hold, find his voice,
and finally say it. What would happen? Would
the cap come off like a shaken soda? Would all of
the words begin fizzing out in a sugary stain on
the carpet? He’d say all that should have been said
for five years. He’d speak for himself and all of the
others. There must be others, he thought.
The advantage of having her in his head was
that he could feel in control for the few minutes
it took him to drive to work. What was it about
that place that sucked away his confidence making him believe that he deserved no better than
what they gave him in pay, respect, admiration?
For now he chose to remember Whitney. She had
a way of making him believe he was invincible.
As Percy pulled in the parking lot, he found
a stall towards the entrance. This will be a good
place for today. I’ll want to get out quickly and not
look back. I’ll need a short walk to my car. This is
perfect. Pulling in, he put the car in park and left
his sun glasses out of their container. This would
be acceptable today. He wouldn’t be gone long.
He labored to pull himself out of the car and
grimaced at his reflection in the car window as he
shut the door.
Percy entered the lobby for what would have to
be the last time and inhaled the cocktail of paper,
plastic, and cologne. He was close enough to see
the name plate on his boss’s door. He planned
to walk past the window-encased office, stare
straight into his dark, blood shot eyes, and look
away without acknowledgement. Would that be
enough? Would Mr. Tillman walk right out and
try to make him stay? He hoped so. He would
lock eyes, swear a perfectly timed expletive, and
march out the door. No. That would be irresponsible. He had to get to his desk. He wanted to
tidy up before making a scene. Before chasing the
hunger. He approached his corner booth in the
firm and pulled out his chair. Percy decided to
take his time, memorizing what trapped him on
this very important day. This was his last day here.
After all, he had decided.
The only element that made this day the most
important day rather than every other day he had