From Single to… um, Single.
An (honest) perspective on going solo in mission
W
hile we’re talking
about transitions, let’s
address one of the
most significant changes people
expect to face in their lives from singlness to marriage.
Global Interaction Queensland’s
Young Adults Consultant Karen
Haynes looks at what it’s like
for some people not to go
through that transition, while
simultaneously exploring a
future in cross-cultural mission.
“I’m really interested in cross-cultural
mission but I want to find a partner
first.” I’ve heard this statement during
many conversations over the years.
Conversations with remarkable,
passionate, capable, Jesus-following
people who genuinely want to serve in
cross-cultural mission.
Wait or go? It’s a dilemma.
It is a dilemma I understand
well. Most of my Christian
friends are not only married
but have children. If it was
slightly difficult going to
so many happy weddings
in my 20s, it is now more
so, not going to many
weddings in my 30s.
As a young person in church I grew up
hearing testimonies. We loved them.
Many testimonies from older women
can be summarised like this:
I was lost
I met Jesus
Jesus found me my husband
Now I am happy
A happy marriage appeared to be part
of the salvation package (tied up with a
wedding present sized bow!). Many of
my friends anticipated the same would
happen for them. They would quickly
find a fellow Christian traveller and face
life's joys and challenges together.
I can even now remember the moment
it hit me. This picture was all wrong.
God did not promise me a husband.
Salvation to all who believe? Yes.
Marriage? No. Good things certainly
come from God but He is not bound by
any list, mine or yours.
resonate · issue 26 · page 10
That was a tough
moment. What was I to
do with all the positive
affirmations that praying
Christians had made
to me? Promises about
‘grand plans’, the ‘heart’s
desire’ and ‘good things’
for my future. It is true
we follow a God of generosity and
abundance. Yet God made flesh,
Jesus, modelled a life that didn’t
prioritise comforts, settling or many
fulfilled desires. Jesus lived a full life
but it wasn’t a rosy picture of all that
young men of his day and throughout
history might want – a home, stability,
wife and kids, growing old in comfort,
dying peacefully surrounded by
grandchildren. Taking Jesus’ example
seriously, we can be joyous in our
salvation but not confuse what that
promise actually includes.
So, while I held on to my faith in Jesus
and my promise of new life in Him, I
let go of my expectation of being a
new wife because of Him! I shed the
anticipation that God would meet all
my earthly desires.
Back to the wait or go dilemma.
For followers of Jesus, the first family
we are called to is not one of vows and
children but of eternal membership.