ALMOST 30 - SINGLE IN JOZI
‘Curious case of the X’
Don’t we all know it? I have earned my dating stripes (being almost thirty and all) and there seems to be one consistent struggle we all face and that is the case of the return soldier (laymen’s terms being that ex-lover who just comes creeping out of the woodworks just as you find that little ray of sunshine without them). It is as if the universe sends you one last test before it lets you move on to new conquests – now whether that test is designed to show you where you are in your new relationship or rather whether you have actually moved on from that heart break is an entire mystery.
Shall we dig deep for the purposes of our designed mission? Always and forever. I have found that there are three basic forms of these return soldiers and trust me, I have bodies under each folder, scars under each layer of skin and wounds that might never heal lurking at the back of mind constantly. Luckily I’ve been said to be quite resilient and although I might not always see it, I have been through enough to know that there is some truth to these allegations of inner strength. Shall we?
I will start with the easiest soldier to deal with, both mentally and emotionally. We call this soldier the “Half Done Soldier”. This type of ex-lover is the harmless kind. They are that person that falls into your ‘puppy-love’ phases of dating – young, inexperienced, both of you had no clue what you were doing and time, distance, school, and general bad timing got the best of both of you. There are no hard feelings harbored between the two of you, in fact, when you see each other those old feelings of fondness come flooding in and you reminisce on what would have happened if the factors of life did not intervene or play out as they did. I say this ex is harmless not because they don’t have the ability to confuse and derail your plans but simply because the feelings you have for them simply remind you of a simpler time in you dating career. There are no deep founded seeds of regret brewing at the pit of your stomach haunting you at night. You see them, you laugh, and an hour later you forget you even saw them.
later you forget you even saw them.
Then there is the “Torn Soldier”… This one is a little more complicated because this is the person whose heart you broke. The Torn Soldier is the one who you were content dating however, they progressed to the next stages way before you were ready and by the time you saw that you were never going to head in that direction – it was way too late for them. So even unintentionally, you caused them a great amount of pain. They are ‘complicated’ because they might have hated how you made them feel but one of two things always happens when you see or chat to them; 1 – you have an amazing conversation about the color of the sky which turns into an intensely awkward conversation about what they could have done to make you stay. Or 2 – you have an amazing chat about the warmth of the sun which turns into a cold session of the classic blame game… It is rare that you will leave a conversation with the Torn Soldier unscathed and the guilt you feel always causes you to over evaluate whatever situation you find yourself in at that moment… These soldiers are as I said before, COMPLICATED.
Then there everyone’s least favorite – the “Cecum Soldier”. This is the all-around scum of the earth whom you never want to see happy or even alive (don’t judge me, we all have that one person we feel we will never forgive even if Jesus himself came down and begged you on bended knees…). Now for some reason, I have collected two such ex-lovers and within my rays of sunshine – BOTH THESE IMBASILES came out of the dark and dingy holes they were creeping in and shown their faces in my presence… Same drunken night, same venue, like they were sent by whichever demon created them just to mess with my spirit. It is a miracle I didn’t react much because as everyone knows by now – I am the firecracker you will never see fuming, all you will need to do is duck for cover the minute you suspect a thing.