So, feeling rejected is usually what starts the development of an unforgiving spirit. And guess what? This means every single one of us can easily fall into this category because we have all felt rejected at one time or another. We need to be aware of this in order to protect ourselves from letting this attitude creep in.
Two: Become Confused – Many times our initial reaction to being hurt is confusion. It is similar to a mild form of shock. It is hard to believe it is really happening. Sometimes there is even a physical reaction like an empty feeling in the pit of our stomach. This stage usually lasts only a brief period and then we move straight on to the third.
Three: Look for Detours – All of us want to avoid pain. Because this is true, when we are hurt emotionally we tend to find ways of avoiding those painful thoughts and memories so we do not have to think about them. “We take mental detours.” When certain thoughts begin to enter our head we block them. When a topic of discomfort comes about, we suppress it or change the subject. This desire to work our way around previous pain instead of through it is what causes many people to spiral into alcohol, drug, and other types of addiction.
The detours we make are not just mental in nature. Physical detours are also taken. We start avoiding places that cause us to relate to our past hurts. We even begin avoiding certain people that are in some way connected to our past hurts. Anything, anyone, or any place that reminds us of the pain becomes taboo to us.
Four: We Bury It – After we do the above, we try and rearrange our thoughts and lives in a way as to never have to come in contact with anything reminding us of our pain. We bury the pain; we dig a hole as deep as possible and cover it up in a feeble attempt to forget anything ever happened.
Five: We Deny It – The next step, or stage, is denial. We deny we even felt pain from a given situation. We deny we are covering up any emotions or past hurt. We put on a happy face, a mask really, and make claims such as, “Oh, I got over that a long time ago.” Or “I forgave that person months (or years) ago.” Or “Oh, I don't let the kind of stuff bother me.” And all the while we are lying to ourselves.