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PA: What were your main concerns after being diagnosed?
RJ: Being abandoned by my husband at the time was my major concern since he had already disengaged emotionally from me, from our marriage. I knew I would end up homeless and without income, as my employer was very clear about terminating me because of the time lost due to my treatments and resulting sickness. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a Master’s in Behavioral Studies and was working at a social service agency with survivors of domestic violence. Ironically, I became a client myself during that period of time. Abuse isn’t always physical; it is about power and control.
PA: How did your family react to the news?
RJ: I didn’t tell my children right away. My oldest son AJ was in college and I wanted him to be able to focus on his studies. My youngest son was still at home and a junior in high school. I told him what was going on when I came home after the port for receiving chemotherapy was implanted in my chest; I said that we caught it early so I would be fine.
My brother was afraid I was going to die because he had been devastated by our parents’ deaths; it was a lot for him to take in but he always checked on me in some way every day.
My (ex) husband was upset not because I was diagnosed with cancer but because this delayed his previously stated plans to separate. We were still attending church together, playing the part.
He told me shortly after I returned home, racked with pain from the treatment, that he was leaving me for another woman and wanted a divorce. He told me not to worry, he wouldn’t divorce me until I was “on my feet” and to just concentrate on getting better! Really? Yet to this day I don’t have any bitterness or anger toward him because I know that he won’t be able to truly love anyone, including himself, until he knows God’s love and forgiveness.
PA: Did you have a support network of any kind?
RJ: I have not had a lot of family, so I created an extended family throughout my teen years and with my church family. I had to rely on those friends to cook, clean, transport me and my son back and forth, and many of my church family helped take care of AJ while he was away at college.
PA: Raej, tell me about your treatment process.
RJ: I went through multiple, very draining chemo and radiation sessions. My Wusband, as I call him, could not legally take me off his insurance but he refused to pay the co-pays so I had extensive medical debt. I was denied Disability for almost a year despite running out of money for co-pays and medication.
He also cancelled our car insurance policy so I was no longer able to drive myself anywhere. I had to start taking the bus, which was very difficult for me in my weakened physical condition from all the treatments. Fortunately my friend Angela Chewe told me about American Cancer Society resources and I was able to have volunteers take me to treatments and back home.
PA: Did you have faith to help you through this incredibly difficult time?
RJ: Oh yes! I never asked, “Lord, why me?” I only asked Him, “Help, Lord.” My prayers were just that simple and short, asking Him for help because I desperately needed Him. I felt I could bear anything as long as He was with me.