Real Life Real faith Journey to Wellness Journey to Wellness September/October | Page 15

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Once inside, he pulled me close, kissed on me, and stuck his hands in my pants. A few hours later, I told my boyfriend about it, and my commanding officer was on the other side of the door. Needless to say, my life on base was hell. I ended up being sent to another base. I went home on leave, because I had a nervous breakdown. I never went back to Okinawa. I ended up at Parris Island as a Service Record Book Marine. It was at Parris Island I had a Marine Corps noncommissioned officer repeatedly force me to have sex with him in a restroom on the days I had to lock up. I was too afraid to tell anybody, because nothing was done about my prior abuse.

Michelle: What became of the person(s) involved in the abuse?

Dwon: Until recently, I did not report my abusers. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone from fear of the repercussion I would face.

Michelle: You are also a survivor of domestic violence. What was that situation like?

Dwon: The saying women pick mates just like their father was definitely not true in my case. My father is the most sweetest and supportive man in the world. He showers me with love. For some reason, I picked the opposite. I’m still trying to figure that out. I was caught up in a relationship for eleven years. We had a great friendship for years before we became a couple. He told me he thought men who put their hands on women were cowards, and all that other stuff that sounded good. At the same time, he was keeping me away from my family and friends. I had no idea all of that was a part of him gaining control of my life. One day, we had an argument. He got up, and put me in a chokehold. When he walked me to the porch in the chokehold, he let me go. He then kicked me in the chest, and knocked me off the porch. Of course, he apologized, but nothing changed. The abuse got worse.

Michelle: How did you get away from your abuser?

Dwon: I had left and gone back several times. The first time, when I washed clothes, I would start dividing me and my son’s clothes from his. I knew I would have to make a fast getaway since my father and uncles were coming to move me. My abuser went to his baseball game, and my family and I moved me into another apartment. We got back together, and each time got worse. The breaking point was him throwing me into a wall one night, and breaking my printer and computer while I was doing work. He had a strange look in his eyes, and the only thing I could think was he was going to kill me if I stayed. I packed some clothes for me and my son, left, and never looked back.

Michelle: You also suffer from Bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation. How have both of these conditions affected you in your day to day living, and relationships?

Dwon: Living with Bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation can be a challenge with medication, and it’s absolutely worse when I’m not on medication. Either way, it’s a struggle every day. Some days I have to talk myself out of bed, and sometimes I’m on such a high I’m up for days and feeling invincible. The thing with being in a manic frame of mind is I take huge risks. Risks that could end my life. Sometimes, I drive my own self crazy with my mood swings. I can go from the highest high to the lowest low in seconds. The suicide ideation scares me more than anything. I am fascinated with playing Russian roulette when I’m in that particular frame of mind. I also obsess over finding painless ways to die. Relationship-wise, I’ve been blessed with loving men who have loved me through it.