READER'S ROCK LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE VOL 2 ISSUE 4 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL 2 ISSUE 9 JUNE 2015 | Page 25

settled down with a beer and watched the movie. Two
hours of my life and $6 I will never EVER get back. I
laughed – A LOT – but I don't think I was supposed to. I
can't figure out what was more ridiculous the lack of
chemistry between the leads, the disjointed story line or
the pathetic dialogue. I wanted to slap the female lead (no
offense Dakota Johnson, I don't really blame you for having
little more to do than act doe-eyed and bite your lip) and
revoke her woman card for being a simpering fool. Jamie
Dornan is a good looking man, no arguing that point, but
again his dialogue was almost as terrible as Ms. Johnson's.
There are some very specific examples I would love to give
in this article but they are not PG. I will just say that I fail to
see how a completely inexperienced woman can know
what some toys are but not others and how the male lead
can repeatedly say “I don't do romance” and then follow up
with some pathetic attempt at a romantic gesture (if you
appreciate a guy just showing up at your house, walking in
your room without you letting him in, with two glasses and
a bottle of wine). I spent the majority of the two hours
panning the film via Facebook messenger with my lovely
and talented friend, Selah Janel. We both agreed very early
on that if a guy tried ANY of these moves on us we would
call the police.
There was nothing sexy about this movie. I am not a prude
by any means – ask my closest friends – but holy hell was
this movie as un-sexy as they come. It was terrible and I
am sad and disappointed in the reaction to this book and
film. This is amped up Twilight fan fiction for those who
didn't pick up the blatant similarities and it is not well
done. If this is what serves as sexy I'm at a loss because
there was absolutely nothing sexy about it. I think I
understand why the hunky Charlie Hunnam REALLY pulled
out of this film.
*steps off soapbox and pushes it aside*
Sorry for the rant folks, I just had to respond to the emails
begging me to address it in this article. I'm ready for the
backlash but I will stand by my opinions. I don't feel this
was an accurate depiction of the dominant/submissive
lifestyle or of any remotely healthy relationship I would
ever want to read about, watch or be a part of – ever. Oy. I
think I need to go read some Nicholas Sparks or something
similar…
Violet Patterson, author of the Kindle Bestselling Emerald
Seer Series is an avid movie fan with appreciation for all
genres. She and her children eagerly await the releases of
Jurassic World, Miss Peregrine, and the new Star