READER'S ROCK LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE VOL 2 ISSUE 4 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL 2 ISSUE 5 DECEMBER 2014 | Page 68

especially important, and
meaningful, if the loss is
recent.
"Honor the one who is not
there, and embrace what
no one got to experience
about that person but you.
That may entail going to
the gravesite, or to where
the ashes are spread,"
Cecil-Van Den Heuvel
says. "You can even do a
ritual of saying one thing
about that person that they
would have brought to the
holiday if they had been
there."

journaling if you are
thinking a lot about your
loss as a way to explore
and express your feelings.
It's O.K. to be happy
Don't be afraid to take part
in fun holiday activities,
and don't feel guilty if you
do find yourself having a
good time during the
celebrations.
"Enjoy the presence of
those around you,"
encourages Cecil-Van Den
Heuvel.

It's O.K. to be sad
Don't set yourself up
Pretending to be happy
and cheerful, especially
after a recent loss, can be a
tremendous strain.
"If you choose to be
melancholy and sad, that's
O.K. - you need to mourn.
A lot people walk a wide
circle around it, but
everyone deals with grief
and loss differently,"
Cecil-Van Den Heuvel
says. "You don't have to
do the 'chin up - everyone
has to be happy' routine."
She also recommends

Cecil-Van Den Heuvel
believes it is easy for those
who are grieving to set
themselves up to have a
bad holiday. "People
anticipate what they're
going to feel and set
themselves up to some
degree to have a horrible
time," she explains. "Do
not set the stage for what
the day is going to be like.
Just allow it to be what it
is."
She speaks of her own
experience dealing with
the loss of her husband.

"There were many times
that I thought 'This is
going to be the hardest
year' because it was the
fifth anniversary of his
death, or some other
milestone. And, many
times it turned out not to
the hardest year despite
those milestones - but it
could have been a hard
year if I'd pushed it. Don't
choose to go in the black
hole and stay there."
Be authentic to yourself
Being authentic to
yourself is the most
important aspect of
grieving during the
holidays, or anytime.
"Allow yourself to feel the
pain so you can integrate it
into your life and learn
and grow from it," she
says. "Nobody wants to
suffer, but suffering has its
purpose, and that purpose
is growth. There is always
going to be life and death,
and we need to grow from
grief rather than being
victim to it."