by Ruthia Lewis
This is at the root of almost everything I write, without question, many women struggle with believing that they are enough, just the way they are. We aren’t taught that our uniqueness and individuality is something to be treasured. From the very beginning we are taught what’s good or bad. We learn what gets the attention of or a positive reaction from our parents.
Imagine you are a baby not even walking. You do something new or are able to mimic an action or word. You get cheers and accolades and hear “good girl”. You’re getting positive attention and you want more. Our minds and bodies are designed to want more. But we quickly learn that not all reactions are positive. We also receive negative reactions for example when the human nature of a parent or caregiver becomes frustrated or tired or disengaged. Especially as we grow older, we pay attention to, “she’s so cute”, or comments on little things that are different about you, perhaps it’s your hair, or how you aren’t able to do something as well as the little playmate sitting beside you that is the same age.
Yes, you had no clue, but were embedded very early in a pattern of <em>this is what you do at a certain age</em>. We begin receiving messages that if we don’t do something the way other kids do, there’s something wrong with us. It’s very subtle and mostly unintentional, but it translates as shame.
This is very fresh for me right now as I have a 20-month old grandson. I’ve been paying close attention to how he responds to our interactions. I’ve noticed how he responds to tone of voice, as well as how he has already figured out when someone says a particular word or takes a specific action, he knows what “should” happen. For instance, when he hears bath, he gleefully heads to the bathroom.
I Am
Enough