Raise Vegan September 2018 Raise Vegan (2) - Page 57

Dear In Need of Support, Unfortunately, I know all too well how this feels. It is not easy having to stand up to your family. However, it is great that your husband is supportive of your decisions and agrees that you are making good choices for your little one. I would like to touch on a few of your comments that stood out to me. First of all, “My husband is sup- portive of how I’m choosing to parent but he doesn’t stand up for me when they start in with the nasty comments.” Does your husband support you and your choices simply because he loves you and trusts that you’re making the right decisions be- cause he sees how much you love your child? Or, does he actually agree and share your views on the decisions being made? I am just speculating here, but maybe he doesn’t stand up for you during conflict because he doesn’t know how to defend the choices since they aren’t his own beliefs? Instead of declaring your frustra- tion with your husband about his lack of support when it comes to his family, sit down and ask him if there is something he may be questioning himself. Maybe he would like more information on a certain subject so that he can be more informed. He may be able to get through to his parents if he could be the one educating them instead of you. Explain that you just want to feel like everyone is on the same page when it comes to giving your child the absolute best upbringing possible. Secondly, “It has gotten to the point where I don’t want my baby to be around them if I’m not there.” I completely understand this feel- ing. I myself struggle with a similar situation. As it stands for us now, our children do not spend time with my in-laws without my husband or I present. We cannot trust that they will respect our decisions when it come s to what our kids should be fed. So, my husband and I agree that this is the best plan for now. It is key though that my partner and I are on the same page when it comes to this. It could otherwise seem as though I have ill will towards my in-laws. I do not. They are uneducated and un- willing to be educated. If they change their minds, I am happy to discuss a change in our plan. For now, you say that your husband takes your little one for visits. Maybe you could get your husband to agree to stay present at those gatherings? Also, providing food that is approved by you, and brought by him, could be a good way to put your mind at ease during these visits. It is a tough situation for any parent to be in, but standing your ground on educated, loving decisions is never wrong. Your child seems to have a mama who has got his back, and that is amazing! My biggest advice here is to try to have an open dialogue with your husband. Him being able to make you feel comfortable during vis- its, while giving his family a chance to be a part of their grandchild’s life, is easier than it seems. Give him some facts to present when questioned and pack food to bring and I think things will work out. Good luck! -Paisley RAISEVEGAN.COM Raise Vegan 57