Raise Vegan October 2018 Raise Vegan - Page 57

Dear Anne S – I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with your in-laws. Hate is an awfully strong word, so I imagine you are truly unhappy. It seems like you and your husband have very different ideas about the level of involvement expected from extended family members. It leads me to think that you and your husband were raised quite differently. Maybe he has had his parents closely involved with everything he has done his whole life. Whereas maybe you and your family respect each other’s privacy and personal time a bit more. It may be tricky to find a common ground, but it’s not impossi- ble. As you stated in your letter, you need boundaries. Personal boundaries are rules that must be respected. If someone is feeling uncomfortable with how they are being treated, then that needs to be addressed. The best tip I can offer is to put it on paper. Write down the “rules” that you would like to establish and have a sit down talk with your husband about them. Explain that you are feeling un- comfortable with the family dynamic and not being respected. That way, when you bring up the new guidelines, he will know where you’re coming from and hopefully he will be receptive to the changes. For example : 1. No dropping by after a certain hour. This is in the children’s best interest, and there is no need to disrupt your family’s rou- tine when visits can be made during more appropriate hours. 2. If the in-laws try to invite themselves on a day trip or vaca- tion, your husband’s response will be, “let us get back to you.” This way, you can discuss the decision between the two of you, and not feel like you have to give in because of pressure. This also gives you the chance to say no and your husband gets a chance to support you and back you up. 3. You husband has to back you up. Explain that more than anything, your husband is going to have to respect your feelings and support you on them. You guys are a team. You need to be on the same page and know that you will stand up for each other no matter what. You should make it clear to your husband that you understand that they are his family, and that he loves having them around, but at the same time, you and your littles ones are also his fam- ily and should be his top priority. The routines and flow of your household are more important than his parents’ schedule. -Paisley RAISEVEGAN.COM Raise Vegan 57