wise words
have a trophy child?
PEDESTAL PARENTING
(HOW AND WHY TO STOP)
As parents, we want our kids to do well and always strive for excellence, but what happens
when our efforts to encourage and uplift actually end up hindering our child’s ability to grow
into the person he or she was intended to be?
Our children are precious to us. When they
bring home a great report card, win the lead in
the school play, hit a homerun or earn a spot
on the cheerleading team, we are so proud of
what our children have accomplished. Most
parents don’t intentionally place their child
on a pedestal, but it can be easy to fall into the
trap of using our children’s accomplishments,
looks, personalities and attributes to actually
make us feel good about ourselves and impress
others. And by doing so, we risk placing
unnecessary pressure on our children to live
up to unfair expectations and be responsible
for meeting our emotional needs.
In his book “Trophy Child”, author Ted
Cunningham explores how today’s childcentered homes can have a negative impact on
raising responsible, confident children who
strive to become the men and women God
intended them to be. There’s nothing wrong
with being a “football mom,” “basketball
dad,” or “dance mom,” but Cunningham
warns that we should not let our children’s
accomplishments or attributes define our
identity as well.
It’s also easy to let life become a competition
when we start measuring our parenting
abilities against those of other parents,
especially when everyone else’s kids seem to
be excelling in school, sports or other areas
while our own children are struggling. Balance
is the key. Encourage your children to do their
best, but don’t pressure them with unrealistic
expectations or to excel in activities that may
not be things they want to pursue.
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“When kids spend their childhood years
fulfilling Mom and Dad’s dreams, they lose
out on discovering who God created them to
be and what He has prepared for them to do,”
writes Cunningham. Below are some tips to
help avoid the “Trophy Child” Trap:
P
lace more emphasis on helping your
children develop character and less on
their achievements.
• Spend less time directing teens toward
a career or aspiration that the world
defines as “successful,”— instead walk
alongside of your teen and help them
explore and discover the plans that
God has for them.
• Identify the parent peer pressure
around you that fuels the competitive
parenting.
• Realize that your kid’s actions don’t
define you as a parent—Even the best
parents have kids that make poor
choices.
• Allow your kids to learn from failures
—
Character is built more on the bench
than on the field.
For more advice and wisdom on giving your
children space to find themselves without
losing your identity, check out “Trophy Child:
Saving Parents from Performance, Preparing
Children for Something Greater Than
Themselves” by Ted Cunningham.
www.potentialmagazine.com
“Parenting is not a sport,
and our children are not
trophies. No performing,
perfecting, comparing or
competing necessary.”
– Ted Cunningham,
Trophy Child