Setting Expectations
“Successful college students have parents that are involved in their
lives—at an appropriate distance. We do encourage parents to
make a declaration of independence at the outset of the student’s
college experience,” Starling said.
College is a major transition for parents, too,
especially if it’s the first child going off to
college—or the last. While preparing your
child for their big adventure, it’s important to
take some time to prepare yourself and avoid
Helicopter Parenting (hovering too close).
Buddy Starling, dean of enrollment management at Troy
University, offers some advice on how parents can foster
independence and confidence in their college bound students
while still staying connected.
• Don’t call the professor. Allow your student to handle classroom
issues and concerns with their professors and instructors.
• Require your students to give written consent to the University
to speak with you about billing, financial aid, housing and
admissions (things you are paying for).
• Insist your student make the first attempt to resolve problems
or issues—if it remains unsolved, then get involved.
“We take our obligation of preparing students for life seriously.
They ultimately have a higher level of confidence in dealing with
life issues if they have actually dealt with some,” Starling said.
“College is usually the first exposure they have had in dealing with
many life issues away from their parents. It’s a good thing!”
“When parents are clear in their expectations of
their student’s college experience, the likelihood of
fostering a more independent student is greater.”
—Buddy Starling, Dean of Enrollment
Management, Troy University
Here’s some guidelines for setting expectations so both parent and
student will be on the same page:
Grades: Parents should specifically state what they expect their
student’s GPA to be at the end of the first semester. Realistically,
this should be based on how the student performed in high school.
“Be realistic. Even for the straight A student in high school, 4.0
grade point averages in college are rare.”
Safety & Well-Being: Clearly state your expectations
concerning personal safety, behavior and discipline. “With college
comes a social atmosphere that is typically unmatched. Balancing
academic life with social life is a must.”
Finances: Work with your student to develop a budget for
personal spending. “Acquiring healthy approaches to personal
spending while in college will lead to the same financial health
after college.”
Communication: Parents and students should establish a “new
normal” for communication once the student is in school.
“Speaking every hour of the day is probably unhealthy for both
parent and student.”
Social Life: Encourage your student to become involved in
campus life as soon as possible. “Whether it’s an intramural team,
a student ministry, fraternity or sorority, involvement outside the
classroom exposes students to new friends and experiences. Happy
students are productive students!”
The days of having grades mailed home at
the end of the semester have long passed,
which generates an obvious and reasonable
question from parents:
“How can I know how my student
is doing during the semester?”
32
Typically, universities do not grant parents
access to grades but students use webbased learning systems (Troy University
uses “Blackboard”) to access their grades
with a unique log-in. “Parents should
be aware of such systems and that their
student can access a wealth of information
regarding their classes,” Starling said.
www.potentialmagazine.com
Starling encourages parents to use weekend visits home as an opportunity to
discuss and view grades together,
especially at the end of the semester.
“Through effective communication with
the student, no parent should ever be
surprised about what their students grades
look like,” he said.