money or information they need to take
with them and then ask questions about
what they did when they get home. But
allow them the chance to participate
independently if that’s what they prefer.
Sweet stuff
v)
Your children are
never too old
to be told
“I love you.”
ST AY
INVOLVED
When our kids were in elementary
school it was obvious what we had to
do to get them ready for the new school
year. Registration. Check. Meet the
teacher night. Check. School supply
shopping. Check. Pictures on the first
day. Check. You know the drill! If you’re
like me, by the time your kids reached
middle school you had the whole routine down to a science.
Then they hit junior high. And high
school. And things changed. Those
same kids who needed us to help them
get back to school when they were little
overnight became, dare I say, INDEPENDENT.
It’s at this point that parents like us
have a decision to make. How are we
going to approach our teen’s newfound
independence? In my experience, parents typically choose one of three paths
to follow as our teens mature to young
adults.
With the first we allow our kids all
the independence they want. Letting
them make their own decisions and essentially letting them spread their wings
and fly. While we continue to support
them financially and offer guidance
in high school and are just as important
for parents to attend as they were when
our kids were in elementary school. My
kids know that my presence at meet
the teacher night is non-negotiable. In
junior high and high school these events
are designed specifically for parents to
learn about what’s going on with their
teen’s education. It serves as a springboard for parent-teen conversations
about classes and activities throughout
the school year.
when asked, we begin treating them
much more like adults.
Parents along the second path stay
heavily involved in all aspects of their
teen’s life and try to manage all of
their decisions despite their teen’s likely
resistance.
And the third? It’s the path in the
middle. Somewhere between allowing
your teen full independence and you
SCHOOL SUPPLIES. This is a
keeping total control. With this path,
perfect time to let your teen experience
you slowly give up your control as your
shopping from a list with a budget. Have
teen moves towards their eventual
them make a list of what they need, give
independence.
them a certain amount of money to
Personally and professionally, I like
make their purchases, and send them on
the path in the middle. Teentheir way. When they get back talk
agers are still children
with them about the process,
who need nurturing
including what they liked
Want to stay involved
and guidance from
and didn’t like. Now
with your teen’s education but
their parents. But
for big purchases, like
don’t want to intrude on their
they are also at
graphing calculators,
developing independence?
a time in their
I’d recommend getting
Volunteer at their school! There are
development
a little more involved.
always opportunities for parents to
where they need
Do some research
help in junior high and high school.
to express their
with your teen and
It’s a win-win, because you’ll be
individuality and
find a calculator that
able to help others while
learn to make demeets their needs for
staying active with your
cisions on their own.
school and for college
child’s school.
As they return to
entrance exams. Then teach
school, try some of these
them about price comparison
tips to foster your teen’s indepenshopping, as you can find items like
dence and continue a healthy level of
these for a wide variety of prices in
parental involvement:
stores, online, or even secondhand.
STAND UP
REGISTRATION. Most high
schools have a day in the summer to
pick up schedules, get parking permits,
and receive locker assignments. Ask
your teen if they want to go with friends
or if they want you to accompany them.
If they want to go without you, let them!
Of course make sure they have any
Dr. Polly Dunn is a licensed child psychologist, wife and mom of four. She is the director of the Auburn University
Psychological Services Center and offers her ‘Perfectly Imperfect Parenting Solutions’ at www.ChildPsychMom.com.
28
MEET THE TEACHER
NIGHT. Events like these still happen
www.potentialmagazine.com
Oh, and just in case you’re curious,
those first day of school pictures…also
non-negotiable with this mom.