Struggling to Remember
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right, remembers her surprise at a light tank exploding, and realizes the
closeness of the falling shells from a near miss. As Thursday reverses direction
and looks to her commander for orders. Granny Next sneaks in and helps
Thursday escape by going into another memory, that of a Croquet Federation
Final SuperHoop game. Granny tells Thursday that Aomis wants to try to break
her down and the memories will get worse before they get better. The only way
Thursday will be able to fight Aomis is by going back to the worst memory of
all—^the tmth about vriiat happened in the charge. Thursday thinks to herself that
even though this is a dream, “the fear felt as real as it had on the day,” (148) and
tears of frustration plague her in her conscious state. Granny tells her, “You
have to go back to the Crimea, Thursday. Face up to the worst and grow
stronger from it” (238).
When Thursday goes back into her memories, Aomis is waiting and
patiently watches Thursday relive the charge. In this episode, Thursday
remembers how much she loved her brother and how her anger at losing him
had driven her for longer than she cared to remember. Watching the final
moments of her brother’s life causes anguish and frustration; the flash of red
mist in which Anton vanishes is followed by a memory of Thursday washing
bone fragments out of her hair in the shower. Aomis pulls Thursday from the
shower back to the battlefield, “heading towards the wrecked armor amidst the
smoke and dust.” Clapping gleefixlly, Aomis says, “We should be able to
manage at least eight of these before dawn. . . ” (242). In these repetitive scenes,
Anton is replaced by another officer, one she remembers meeting earlier and
becoming involved with, Landen. When she wakes up, Thursday’s memory of
the charge has morphed; in her memory, Landen, wiiose name she cannot recall,
is killed and Anton survives the charge.
Eventually Thursday wins the battle by recalling a childhood memory,
a monster that terrified her beyond anything she had ever known. Her worst
nightmare becomes Aomis’s, \^4lo is quickly and loudly devoured by an
undefined monster. Thursday has finally watched her memories play out as the
events actually happened, and remembers seeing Anton disappear and her
failure to go back to rescue him. By reclaiming the pain and loss that the charge
represents, she is able to let go of the fear, the nightmares, and the dread
associated with the Crimea and reclaim her life. Landen rematerializes as
Thursday makes her escape from Aomis and her memories of him return in full
force. While Landen has yet to be reactualized by Goliath, Thursday gains
control of her memory and her past, wliich provides the first solid stepping stone
into the future.
Fforde’s familiarity with shellshock, memory loss, and modem war
allow him to create a complex battle for Thursday, one that she must fight with
herself and conquer in order to let the pain of the past go and rebuild her life. He
makes tremendous use of the complexities in recording, revising, and