Bravo’s G ay W eddings
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mention in the first episode that same-sex marriages are not legally recognized,
there is no mention about religious sanctioning of gay and lesbian weddings.
In the four total hours of programming, several prominent themes
within each couple’s story are evident: the importance of family participation
and recognition; equity in wedding planning; honest expression of worry and
concern; and the importance of social recognition given to “being married.”
These themes reflect the challenges faced by same-sex couples as they
overcome hegemonic ideals about who can marry and who cannot, even as they
endorse the very ideals heterosexual marriage embodies: monogamous
commitment based on love.
The theme given the most time and attention in these episodes was the
importance of family participation and recognition. Though surrounded by
supportive and close friends, each couple expressed how significant it was for
their families to be involved in some way with the wedding, which reflects
Lewin’s (1998) conclusions. The angst and concern over whether family
members would attend or even accept their sexual orientation and decision to
publicly commit to their partner was especially evident for two of the gay men,
Scott and Dan. While Scott worried that his parents would not accept him or his
relationship with his partner (they did), Dan constantly sought recognition from
his mother and sister and desperately wanted them to attend his wedding (they
didn’t).
Unlike the traditional gender roles that mark heterosexual weddings,
the way in which these same-sex couples approached the planning of their
weddings illustrated an equal division of labor. While planning and decision
making often fall on the bride-to-be in the typical heterosexual wedding, the
couples in Gay Weddings made decisions about the most detailed elements of
their ceremonies as a team, such as visiting sites, choosing clothing, deciding on
flower arrangements, and assembling party favors. These depictions reflect the
egalitarian nature of same-sex couples, as compared to heterosexual couples, in
which the woman most often does the work in planning what is supposedly “her
day” (Geller, 2001; Lowery & Otnes, 1994; Currie, 1993). Indeed, the two male
couples were intricately involved in all aspects of planning their weddings, with
Dan and Gregg assembling party favors, and Scott and Harley choosing flower
arrangements.
The honesty of the couples as they talked about the problems they
experienced marked all four episodes as well. All admitted to being stressed and
worried about their weddings, having second thoughts and misgivings, and
being nervous on the wedding day itself. Of the four, Sonja and Lupe
experienced overt discrimination, adding to their wedding planning woes. In this
regard. Gay Weddings offers viewers a realistic portrayal of the unique
challenges faced by same-sex couples, and the prejudice they may face in a
society that still considers such relationships as illegitimate and, indeed, wrong.