parasites in your mind. As a warrior, as a human being,
but also as an artist it’s about slaying the parasites;
creating your own story. The cruelest month is that
period of time when everything is really dark and terrible
and you are really down and you want to give up.”
At 17, Monica was hospitalized for an auto-immune
disorder. During that time when she felt distanced
from the rest of the world, music got her through. She
knows that music has helped her survive some of the
most painful periods in her life, and is what has kept her
emotionally stable.
“I have to do it. If I don’t do music, I’ll go crazy. For
me it’s a mental health issue. For a lot of artists, that’s
the truth. In the old Aztec traditions February was the
cruelest month. That is the month when a lot of people
would die. I could just give up. I could have some nice
job, have music as a hobby, and I could do ok. Or I can
fight. It’s that split-second where you decide if you are
going to flee or if you are going to fight. I’m not done
fighting.”
Monica credits music with providing her an outlet for
her creative force, and wants to give that back through
her music therapy and working with kids. She is a
music teacher at My Voice Music, leading music therapy
workshops for kids. Her latest workshop is for teens
with illness sponsored by a grant from The Pollination
Project.
“This is who I am. This is what I want. I don’t want to
apologize for it anymore. I’m not going to ask permission
to do something I know is right for me. I know music is
what I have to offer. I can’t imagine my life without it.
For me it’s just survival. Whether or not I want to push it
into the public realm, I don’t know, it will always happen
for me. But this is a period of my life where I’m just going
to do it.”
Monica is truly the embodiment of seeing the light in
the darkness. Her latest album is a manifestation of this
idea. She wanted to create something beautiful from
so much pain. Monica recognizes that she struggles
with painful emotions, and that serves as the greatest
inspiration for her music.
“You think, ‘We shouldn’t feel bad. We shouldn’t feel
like this. This should be easy. It should be effortless.’ But
it’s not going to be that way, so don’t deny the gift of that
darkness. Sometimes you have to feel like you are on the
wrong path or you are not doing it right. So, I think it is
super important to have a ‘cruelest month’, but not too
much. It’s a thin line, but you have to accept it.”
Monica is the first to admit that being an artist is a
different way of living, and if anything, she has mastered
the art of being an artist.
“In my thirties I’m finally coming into myself
understanding the tools needed to navigate this wild,
creative emotion. What came first? I don’t know. Are
artists just sensitive and different? Or is it that the
process brings it up? I definitely feel the pressure of
getting a career at this point in my life. Being thirty
years old and having people say, ‘What are you going
to do?’”
She is always changing, always evolving, constantly
expanding and diverging from what she knows. Music
is how she has gotten to know herself and understand
the world.
“It’s very personal, but at the same time it’s universal
too, because we are all creative. I think everybody
is creative. I think they can tap into that. It’s a very
interesting process of self-reflection, and that’s what
I love about music. I’ve learned so much about myself
through music; more than I ever could have if I hadn’t
done music.
“I think I bring to the music authenticity, which is
synonymous with vulnerability…and I feel like it’s
that sort of vulnerability which I feel like is a lost art
these days in music sometimes. The artists I love are
vulnerable. You know it, you hear it, you see it, you
experience it. It takes me to that place with them. It’s ok
to be vulnerable. It’s ok to feel messed up. It’s ok to feel
like you are not worthy. We all do that. Let’s not pretend
otherwise. So, why don’t I use my experience to help you
with your experience?”
If anything, Monica is an inspiration for everyone to
take the