first” has not been in Chinese etiquette education until recently.
The men are not going to hold the door open for you, let you
board the bus or plane first or perform any of the chivalrous
behaviour you may be used to.
What’s so special?
Western kids, especially blonde children, will likely be touched
by locals. The Chinese expression for a Western child is “yang
wawa”. It is the same expression for a toy doll. Are you getting
the picture? Your blonde child is like a little doll, and dolls are
for touching, stroking, hugging and loving. And we love taking
pictures with cute, adorable “yang wawa”!
Chinese people show their appreciation for adorable
children by touch – especially by stroking their head/hair and
cheeks. This is common practice with Chinese children as well.
Of course, this doesn’t necessarily make it easier for you to
accept. I have the same problem when I return to China with
my kids. My daughter, especially, hates to be touched, but my
relatives love to stroke her face because they find her adorable.
It is polite (in their view) for them to show their appreciation for
my children this way.
One trick I learned is to stand in front of kids. I place myself
as a barrier between her and the would-be “toucher” – and it
works a treat! Do this before the touching begins, otherwise
it is too late and there is no gracious way to get out of it.
Anticipating the situation, I casually place her behind me where
she can still be seen but is not close enough for someone to
reach out and touch.
This method, I find, minimises the contact. If a polite “thank
you” on your part and a casual repositioning of your child still
does not send the appropriate message, walk away. China is a very, very populous country. There is no sense of
personal space. Chinese culture is not one of individual space
and privacy – it is about community and openness. And we
extend this to strangers, too.
We Chinese (including overseas Chinese people) are quite
happy to ask you about your rent, salary and what you like
to wear to bed! I exaggerate, of course, but not by much.
Remember, it is not rude in Chinese culture to do this. It is
common practice. Not answering is rude. Getting defensive
is rude. It means you have something to hide. My tip? Just
respond with a mysterious smile and say “ 秘密 (mì mì)”
(pronounced “me me”), which means “secret”. Chinese people
will laugh at that and then the entire matter will be dropped.
But practise that enigmatic expression – it does not
work without it!
Etiquette is a huge topic, which I have just touched on here.
There is an old Chinese saying: 读万卷书不如行万里路 (dú wàn
juàn shū bù rú xíng wàn lǐ lù) that means “Walking 10,000 miles
of the world is better than reading 10,000 book scrolls”. I wish
you a happy trip to China!
Where’s the chivalry?
Many Westernised people find the Chinese pushy and rude.
Well, I am afraid it is generally true that they are pushy, even
with women and children. In Chinese culture, men are the
important people. Like it or not, it’s a man’s world. So, “ladies Kate Zhou is founder and director of Yifan Mandarin. A qualified
Mandarin teacher, Kate was born and educated in mainland
China, and moved to Hong Kong in 1998. She and her French
husband have two children. www.yifan-mandarin.com.hk
Too close for comfort
June 2017
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