PINNACLE March 2016 | Page 21

"WHEN THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A PLAY"

By Kaitlyn Milvain | A personal experience.

was. Every day I considered suicide. Every night I tried to convince myself to be brave and go on for my family. And here I am.

And it was during this season that I met Dr. Finkle. The best way to describe Dr. Finkle is to remind you of Doc Brown from Back to the Future, but smarter and as a physician. He has been wonderful and trying to find the best solution for me, as everyone is different and I have a phobia of needles. He began the quest for solutions by doing a blood test. Not a little finger prick. But vials. Eight to be exact. Eight vials of healthy blood that simply proved that I have inherited the genetic weakness of low iron. This process kind of seemed like a waste, but the process was simply one of the

elimination to ensure the headache is a primary headache

and not a secondary headache.

Now I tell you all of this medical information so that

you will perhaps better understand why I write

the way I do concerning my emotional state.

Spring of 2015 brought an end to

the pain of school.

Summer brought an end to my

depression.

Autumn introduced the stress of

senior year and thoughts of the future.

Thankfully, I am succeeding in both areas

currently.

Surprisingly enough, this past winter

was filled with anger instead of depression. I

was angry and moody all the time for no good reason. I was angry at our dogs for whining, the internet for being slow, a classmate for looking at me. The smallest things would set me off. Of course, my family was very confused and concerned at my behavior. So I simply left them a note. Later my mom came in and said that I was going through was totally normal. I responded with the sentiment that it sure doesn't feel normal. Then she mentioned the five stages of grief and told me that grief is felt when you lose something. In my case, I had lost my comfort and normalcy. The suddenly made total sense especially since the stages are non-linear. Knowing this definitely helped in dealing with all of my pent-up emotions.

And now, spring is once again upon us. The season of hope, love, rebirth, and allergies.

This March I am inexplicably hopeful for the future.

They say that weather impacts mood. I agree.