Pink Weddings Magazine Autumn/Winter 2016 - Page 110

Ask FondA Got a problem? Panic no longer, Fonda Cox is here to help… Ask DEAR FONDA, our groups of friends are very different and haven’t exactly hit it off when we’ve brought them together. How can we have a reception without tribal warfare? I always think you should use your misfortune to your advantage, like Adele – she’s been dumped more times than the slop trays under a beer tap in a working men’s club, and by continually wailing on about it, has made millions! Have you ever thought of having your wedding televised? You could take all your guests down to the studios of Jeremy Kyle, and have him officiate the wedding. If it all kicks off he’ll pay you extra for the added drama, and you can use the money to elope and have an idyllic wedding all by yourselves on a remote tropical beach somewhere. DEAR FONDA, we’ve whittled our bridesmaids down to a shortlist of four, but one of them is frankly just not up to the job. How can I persuade my fiancée that her best friend needs to be sacked? Sleep with her! Nothing gets rid of an unwanted friend, like a bit of infidelity. Of course, this does have the drawback that you might also lose your fiancé in the process, so maybe not the best idea just ahead of a wedding. Next best option is to get the biggest floozy in your circle of friends to sleep with her instead. If they’re trampy enough, they’re bound to give her an STD causing her to spend half the wedding day locked in a toilet cubicle with a 110 » pink weddings magazine