PERREAULT Magazine October 2014 - Page 46

"HOW TO WIN PEOPLE OVER"

SK: What is the core and some powerful strategies for mastering the Art of winning people over?

BB: The core principle is the understanding that it’s never about you but about bringing value to another person. In other words, as Dale Carnegie taught us in his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Ultimately, people do things for their reasons; not our reasons. This is very important to understand. Why? Because if you plan to win someone over to your way of thinking - meaning, something in their thought-process will need to change - you must realize that they will only change if it makes sense to them. So, top influencers ask themselves questions such as, “how do what I want this person to think or to do align with their goals, their wants, their needs, their desires? How does it align with their values? And, when we ask ourselves these questions thoughtfully and authentically, not as a way to manipulate others, but as a way to help and build others, than we’ve come a long way toward mastering the people skills that are so important for one who desires to be a leader or influencer, and make a positive difference in their world.

Among the strategies are to control our own emotions, understand that human beings are driven by their emotions, and to always speak to others with tact and kindness.

SK: What is your definition of Ultimate influencer?

BB: While I define “Influence” as simply the ability to move a person to action, usually within the context of a specific goal, I see “Ultimate Influence” as being even more powerful. I would define it as the ability to get the results you want from others; to bring out the best in others, while making them feel genuinely good…about themselves, about the situation, and about you.

SK: How do we know when someone is attempting to manipulate us?

BB: In order to manipulate others, people will often attempt to make them – in one way or another – feel badly for not complying with their requests. They might try and make you feel guilty, stupid, naïve or a number of other similar feelings. If you are about to comply with a person’s request and, 1.) something about it just doesn’t feel right to you and, 2.) you feel any of the specific negative emotions mentioned above, there’s a good chance that manipulation is being attempted. The key is to stay conscious any time you get that “yucky” feeling and then ask yourself why that is. And, of course, it goes without saying that you should never try and manipulate another human being.

by Svetlana Kim

Perreault Magazine - 46 -

Speaker, Co-Author of "The Go-Giver", Author of "Adversaries into Allies" and "Endless Referrals", Entrepreneur, Animal Lover/Advocate, Lover of Liberty.

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BOB BURG