PDXScene Magazine December 2018 - Page 26

“How to care for your Unicorn” By Michael Love Unicorn: Colloquial usage: Describes a single female usually bi-sexual who is expected to have sexual interaction with both people in a couple, and is often times expected to remain exclusive to the couple. They are so incredibly rare they are thought not to exist. It is a common phrase used in our communities. Women who fit the definition of “Unicorn” are actually fairly common, just the expectations that many people place on them drive them away. Sometimes driving them completely out of our communities and our lifestyle entirely. The following example is a great way to run off your potential unicorn… I recently encountered someone, a female, who is new to Ethical Non-monogamy. For her privacy I will generalize the situation, and not name her, or reveal any details about her situation that may identify her. She was approached by a couple awhile back who identified themselves as being Poly. They started dating and all was going well. The couple started to seek out dates with other couples outside of the triad relationship, sometimes she was brought along sometimes not. Then one day she met someone, the male half of another couple that she was interested in, and expressed a desire to date outside of their play dynamic. Both the husband and the wife in the couple blew up at her… from the sounds of it, things got really ugly, to a point where the relationship ended. This all happened because this woman wanted to engage in non-monogamy separately from the couple. She was accused of cheating, and being unethical, and slut-shamed. Nevermind the fact that the couple were not being exclusive to the Triad, the “Unicorn” was expected to remain captive. Page 26 The woman, being new to Polyamory, is wondering if this behavior is common. She asked if it was a challenge to find people who communicate well, who respect other people’s thoughts and feelings. Sadly this is a common situation that we see more than I would like in certain situations. ”Unicorn hunters” as we often call them are couples that only seek out that single bisexual female. Everyone has their own reasons for what they search for and that is up to them… But if you are a single female in this lifestyle, it is a behavior that you need to be mindful of. This is especially true, in regard to those who would limit or restrict you if that is not acceptable to you. It is not acceptable to most people in Ethical Non- monogamy. It would seem that this couple described above did as many couples do… Found their bisexual female, their “unicorn,” and then tried to keep her in captivity, limiting her from outside interaction and outside connection for fear that she would “escape.” It’s amazing to me how many people think that this is okay behavior. Where a couple can be non-monogamous outside of their relationship with as many people as they want, but when they find a unicorn they expect her to be exclusive. It’s no small wonder that this causes a lot of hard feelings, and emotional trauma. Double standards should never be acceptable in any relationship, especially not those in ethical non- monogamy. Don’t mistake this with a situation that is a negotiated close triad. That is something completely different as long as everyone is 100% in agreement on the closed relationship. These are often well agreed on boundaries, and rules, and most times if there is a case where one of PDXScene Magazine - December 2018