“Christmas is a time when you
get homesick – even when
you’re home.” – Carol Nelson
“A lovely thing about the holi-
days is that it’s compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we
all go through it together.” –
Garrison Keillor
“Once again, we come to
the Holiday Season, a deeply
religious time that each of
us observes, in his own way,
by going to the mall of his
choice.” – Dave Barry
discussions.
Now, I realize that most people would rather go in for root canal work
without Novocain than attempt to cater to the whims and idiosyncrasies of
their eccentric relatives and the occasional sordid family drama.
But, unless you can afford to spend the holidays blissfully alone on a beach
in Mexico sipping that frozen concoction that helps you hang on, you’re going
to have to, as my mother says, build a bridge and get over it. When I use the
term “It,” I’m referring to your aversion to your hypercritical mother-in-law/
your cousin who was homecoming queen in high school and brings it up
every, single, time you see her. Or, how ‘bout your uncle-by-marriage, the
one who bears a striking resemblance to Harvey Weinstein, in looks as well as
creep factor?
No matter how eccentric your family members are, or his family members
are, Parker County Today compiled a list of survival tips in order to help you
avoid any unplanned excursions to Sheriff Larry Fowler’s Bed & Breakfast
during the holiday season.
A
s a child, I looked forward to
holidays — all of them. My dad
came from a huge family that loved to
congregate together from all corners
of the continent to spend time togeth-
er — at least I thought they did. If
they didn’t, why did they do it every
year, year after year after year? Right?
Thanksgiving lasted for four days
because so many people traveled
from so far away to get there. It wasn’t
until I was a teenager that I came to
realize that for most of the grown-ups,
these huge family holidays weren’t all
fun for anyone over the age of 19.
I also realized how much work
was involved for the women of the
family. It may have been lots of work
for the men too, but I never saw them
doing much of anything except for
eating, drinking beer and watching
football while cheering loudly in front
of a large television as the women
waited on them.
Occasionally, the guys would
conduct a loud debate concerning
something of huge importance such
as, “Was that a holding call? Was it?”
What they actually meant was, “Was
that call justified or was it simply
another socialistic plot aimed at
unjustly defeating ‘America’s Team?’”
As a child, I loved to quietly listen
to the men argue about football in the
media room, then go to the kitchen
an wait for my aunts and cousins to
become engaged in the inevitable
argument. It was usually about some-
thing like which one of them had
endured the most suffering in their
lives? I was 20 before I realized that I
was the only one that enjoyed these
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