Last year when we were planning our October cover photo shoot with the very lovely Bachelorette of the Year Sawyer Burmeister , I wanted to depict an old-fashioned autumn tea party with everyone , including representatives of the Charity of the Year ( Parker County Committee on Aging ) and Dessert Chef of the Year ( Tequila Bar Y Grill ), all having tea with Sawyer .
We used items from Melissa Moorman ’ s collection of vintage table linens , china and silverware . An area florist provided fresh flowers . Just to make sure the table was properly set for tea , I hired an etiquette expert , Carol McGrath-Osborne , to help us with the correct table arrangement .
A lovely young member of our team rolled her eyes and later commented , “ I think that etiquette is the stupidest thing on the planet . It ’ s outdated . It ’ s a waste of time and energy .”
Really ? What if she ’ s right ? What if the majority of Generation X-ers and Millennials feel that way ? By watching them , I suspect that many of them do feel that way . Then I thought that since she isn ’ t usually a rude individual perhaps she simply doesn ’ t understand what etiquette actually is . One etiquette expert defined etiquette as , “ The manifestation of respect and decency in one ’ s treatment of others .” Another etiquette authority defined it as , “ The art of getting along with other people .”
As wonderful as those definitions were , the one I like best came from my sweet mother , who once explained etiquette as , “ A code of conduct you can rely on to help you to treat everyone with respect , honor and dignity .”
What does treating everyone with honor and dignity have to do with
A Letter From The Editor
using the proper eating utensils ? Good question . Eating with dignity and consideration means avoiding disgusting your dinner companions .
Recently , I lunched in one of my favorite local eateries . The heavily mustached man at the next table seemed to have some allergy issues . He ordered lasagna with French bread . He then placed his mouth as close as possible to his plate of food and shoveled food into his mouth , with appreciative slurps and smacks accompanied by numerous coughs , sneezes and hacks . His linen napkin was clutched in his left hand , in case he needed it for an emergency ( be it of a sinus nature or a food-shoveling mishap ). Food and other debris were frequently caught in his facial hair .
The scene was distracting ; the accompanying sound effects were revolting . Soon after my food arrived my appetite began to wane .
I told myself , “ Just look away .” But it was like a multi-vehicle crash on the Interstate . You don ’ t want to see it but you can ’ t bring yourself to look away . Besides , whenever I did manage to pry my eyes away from the man and his table manners ( or lack thereof ) he would honk into his linen napkin .
What does all this have to do with etiquette , you might ask ? If someone had loved this poor man more they would have schooled him on some basic table etiquette . He ’ s probably a kindhearted individual — but how will anyone ever know ? They won ’ t be able to get past the appalling table manners . Common decency dictates that you manage to eat in a certain way so as to avoid revolting your fellow diners .
Etiquette is not empty protocol . It ’ s a way to be a more pleasant individual ; one others might enjoy spending time with .
I ’ m guessing that , no matter how nice that man might be , he receives frightfully few dinner party invitations . Once on our way to a football game watching party , we stopped in at a ginormous box retailer to get some flowers and beverages ( because you never want to go to the home of a friend empty-handed ). After I selected my purchases , I rushed to the checkout stand to pay for the items and was nearly mowed-down by a woman driving a store-provided motorized wheelchair . She was wearing a day-glow muumuu , socks and Jellies ( didn ’ t realize they were still making Jellies ). I had barely recovered my balance when another woman rammed into me with yet another motorized wheelchair . “ Why don ’ t you watch where you ’ re going , you stupid b ____? My sister has cancer .” Then they both laughed .
They paid for their purchases , then abandoned the motorized wheelchairs that had been graciously provided by the store . They bounced out of the store and disappeared out the door cackling .
I recall thinking how nice it was that they had each other because their appalling lack of etiquette made it nearly impossible to endear themselves to anyone else .
Yes . It ’ s the small kindnesses or the small signs of cruelty that make a difference in life . Those are the things that determine if you attract people or if you repel them .
Long recognized as an etiquette authority , author Emily Post was not a proscriber of minutiae . Post was a philosopher . She taught etiquette as a way of life .
“ Manners are made up of trivialities of deportment which can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them ; manner is personality — the outward manifestation of one ’ s innate character and attitude toward life .” Post wrote thousands of tips on correspondence , wedding planning , party giving and conduct in every public or private setting .
Post once said , “ There is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise . But if you find yourself sitting in the hedgerow with nothing but weeds , there is no reason for shutting your eyes and seeing nothing . Instead , find what beauty you may in the weeds .”
Here ’ s hoping that you find beauty in the rose gardens and in the weeds .
Thanks for reading , Marsha Brown , Editor-in-Chief and Publisher , Parker County Today