Parker County Today December 2016 - Page 20

our advice: SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS The Brainiac’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays Our handy-dandy guide to actually enjoying the holidays (while avoiding criminal prosecution) “Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.” – Washington Irving “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge T Some people would rather shoot their eye out with a Red Ryder BB gun than attempt to cater to the whims and idiosyncrasies of eccentric relatives, and the occasional sordid family drama that they drag along with them like a cheap suitcase with a bum wheel. But, unless you can afford to spend the holidays blissfully alone on a beach in Fiji sipping a frozen concoction that helps you hang on, you’re going to have to, as my mother said, build a bridge and get over it. “It,” being your aversion to your hypercritical motherin-law/crazy Aunt Sally/deodorant-shunning cousin Bubba Joe Bob, etc. If you are of the same philosophy as Borge above, Parker County Today has compiled a list of survival tips to help you avoid any unplanned overnight stays at Sheriff Larry Fowler’s Bed & Breakfast during the holiday season. DECEMBER 2016 PA R K E R C O U N T Y T O D AY he best thing about the holidays is that it gives you time with your family, time to gather together and share the warmth of each other’s love — or of your Aunt Bitty’s hot flashes. 18