Many years ago, we were walking through the gates of Disneyland on my oldest son's birthday when I squeezed his hand and asked, "Joel, what does a seven-year-old do differently from a six-year-old?" He paused for a brief moment and replied confidently, "A seven-year-old likes to think about things before they do them." Ever since, we've joked with him every birthday, wondering if the next year will be the year he actually applies this wisdom.
He was onto something, though: recognizing the importance of intention in our choices and actions in our lives. Conscious parenting is intent in action with a desire for connection with our children rather than governance over them. Think for a moment: how have you connected with your child today? Many days I feel I have failed as I reflect on a day that was only reminding, pulling along, and getting to school and appointments on time. Lynn G. Robbins said, "Hopefully, each mistake we make becomes a lesson in wisdom, turning stumbling blocks into stepping-stones" (GC, April 2018). As a musician, I can tell you it is impossible to learn to play an instrument without ever making any mistakes. In fact, the many failures are essential stepping-stones for getting it right. It's the same with parenting. With the vast number of books and theories out there, it comes down to the familiar phrase that there is no single way to be a perfect parent, but there are a million ways to be a good one. You, even with your faults, are precisely what your child needs and your kid is exactly what you need to become the person you are meant to be.
As you consider your connections with your children each day, use these three points to measure your improvement:
Did I look my child in the eyes and express love in some way? In what ways are my joys and struggles with my child making me a better person? Did I think beforehand how I wanted the day to go with my child?
Going back to the wisdom of my then seven-year-old son, make an effort, think about things before you do them. This will bring added joy and connection to your kids in your most important role as a parent.