Ask Alli
by Allison Heidorn
My 12-year-old son would play video games
all day if I let him! When I ask him to shut off
the game and do another activity he argues and
becomes very upset. How can I get my video
addicted son to find another interest and not
spend all of his free time playing games?
First off, you are not alone. Millions of young
people LOVE to play video games and spend
significant time doing so. Video games and other
electronic media seem to transfix our kids, so much
so that at times they are simply disconnected. The
simple answer would be to tell you as the parent
to take control of your parental authority and just
say no! I can tell you that will lead you deeper into
a power struggle between you and your child and
will leave you in much the same space you are right
now. Instead, what I would suggest is an inside out
technique. What I am talking about is helping youth
identify their “spark”. “Spark” is the part of each of
us that generates passion and purpose in our lives.
It is a deep sense of meaning and purpose, a gift
that has been entrusted to just you. Furthermore,
a spark must be something that makes a positive
contribution to the world. It might be writing,
science, learning other languages, helping others,
being an artist, being a leader or making music.
Our job as adults is to learn the spark of our own
children and all the children who surround us and
pull it out, provide opportunities to participate in
the spark activity. I am confident that if you take
the time to identify your child’s spark, nurture it
and provide opportunities, your child will engulf
themselves in it. What you may be thinking is,
what if video games are what my child says is
their “spark”? I challenge you to dig deeper! Ask
them what it is about video games that makes
them love them so much…hand-eye coordination,
competition, or strategy. Whatever the skill may
be, align your child with other activities that use
that skill. Hopefully, your child will lose interest in
video games and really find and live their passion
in this world! What an amazing opportunity you
have to light a fire under your child. Remember a
fire begins with just one “spark”!
60
WINTER 2011
Between work, the kids, my extended family,
friends and all of life’s ups and downs; I have
such little time to spend with my kids. How can
I connect with them at a deep level if our time is
always running from one thing to the next?
First off, it sounds like you need to catch your
breath! Inhale, Exhale! As a busy working Mom,
I can relate to what you’re saying! The bad news
is that as your kids get older, you get busier! The
good news is that it is easy to connect with your
child, even when life gets crazy! Search Institute,
a non-profit organization that offers leadership,
knowledge, and resources to promote positive
youth development, came up with a guide to help
called “Finding your way, 30 seconds at a time”.
What the guide says is that to connect with youth
keep three important principals in mind! First,
one small effort does matter. Little things such
as making eye contact, expressing gratitude, and
simply listening without judging are a really big
deal. You never know which encounter may change
their life. Second, small acts add up. Small efforts
over time become familiar patterns, and show them
they belong, they matter and are valuable.
It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which
sew people together through the years” –Simone
Signoret
Finally, if you breathe, you are on the team. It does
not matter who you are, what you do for work,
how much money you make or where you live, you
can connect.