OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 280 12th October 2017 | Page 11

OMG Digital Magazine | 280 | Thursday 12, October, 2017 • PAGE 11
Relationship
3 Ways to Get Stronger Relationships
By Dr. Phil McGraw
Think about the ten most important people in your life,
and then ask yourself: “Do I get what I want and need
from my interactions with them? And am I investing
enough time and effort to make sure my bond lasts?”
Answering these questions is a starting point for
freshening up a relationship—and believe me, just
about every relationship could use a tweak. Luckily,
it’s in your power to break a bad pattern, even one
that seems entrenched. Try these simple techniques to
transform your dealings with your partner, coworkers,
and friends.
The Issue: A Friendship Feels Like an Obligation, Not a
Pleasure.
The Redo: Make Sure You Truly Connect.
Maybe you have a pal who expects to talk or text with
you daily, and you just don’t have the time or energy to
do so. The next time you meet in person, make an effort
to show you’re concentrating on her. Sustained direct
eye contact fosters a level of intimacy that’s lacking in
so many interactions today, especially between friends.
We hang out together but apart—all of us peering at
our smartphones and glancing only occasionally at one
another. Think about it: When you don’t look someone
in the eye, you’re telling her she’s not worthy of your
full attention. The more focused you are on your friend
when you’re together, the less likely it is that she’ll
demand more of your time when you aren’t. You’ll get
the space you want, without sacrificing the closeness
every friendship needs.
The Issue: You Aren’t Getting Along with a Coworker or
Boss.
The Redo: Reassert Your Rights.
Interpersonal conflict often arises when one of two
parties doesn’t feel valued, appreciated or respected.
If that’s your situation, it’s your responsibility to teach
the other person to treat you better. Start by being
up-front about your needs. Back in graduate school,
I had a professor who was condescending, missed
appointments and assigned ridiculous last-minute
projects, all the while telling me I’d never succeed.
One day I decided to share how I felt: I wanted her to
appreciate that my time was as valuable as hers, and that
I was taking her class to learn, not for her to browbeat
me. I promised to represent our program well, but in
exchange, I needed her to treat me with respect—and
ultimately, she did.
The Issue: The Thrill is...Going.
The Redo: Change the Vibe.
At the beginning of our marriage, my wife, Robin
and I got into the habit of griping about the day’s
frustrations as soon as we got home from work. After
a while, though, I realized that if you discuss only
problems with your partner, there’s a good chance
you’ll develop a problem relationship. I’d read that the
initial moments of an interaction can set the tone for
the rest of the encounter. That’s why Robin and I have
instituted the First Four Minutes Rule, which prohibits
us from complaining until we’ve spent a few moments
together. Even if our house was on fire, we’d probably
let 240 seconds elapse before allowing ourselves to
mention it. I suggest you take the same approach with
your partner. Before you say anything else, tell a funny
story, or talk about how much you missed each other.
Your first words don’t have to be romantic or earth-
shattering—just positive.