OH! Magazine - Australian Version November 2018 | Page 22

( EMOTIONAL FITNESS )
THE REAL PROBLEM WITH
BULLYING
Emotional fitness expert Heidi Di Santo shares her perspective on bullying.
W
ARNING: Some people may find this
article very confronting.
When it comes to bullying, it’s very easy
to point the finger of blame at other
people and see the problem in them. But
whenever you point your finger at other
people, it’s also important to recognise
that there are also three fingers pointing
right back at you; and with bullying, the
harder (but even more valuable thing to
do) is to investigate how you as an
individual might also be contributing to
this issue.
Now this can be a very bitter pill for many
people to swallow. You see, many people
unknowingly interact with others in ways
that perpetuate this problem. And the
truth is that the only person you can
control is YOU and cleaning up your own
backyard and learning to recognise how
you might unknowingly be contributing
to the bullying situation is essential if
things are going to improve on the
bullying front.
At this point, it might be worth pausing
and looking at ‘what is bullying?’ so that
we’re all on the same page and speaking
the same language.
Dictionaries define bullying as ‘the use of
force, threat, or coercion to abuse,
intimidate or aggressively dominate
others with the behaviour often repeated
and habitual’. I like to simplify things
however, and so in my opinion, bullying
occurs when there’s a power imbalance
and this power is used to disrespect
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OH! MAGAZINE ( NOVEMBER
OCTOBER 2018
2018
) )
others.
So if you don’t like to associate yourself
with the word ‘bully’, and if this word is
getting in the way of you seeing how you
could also be doing this to others, I find
it helpful to substitute the word ‘bullying’
with ‘disrespect’.
In an ideal world, regardless of age, rage,
wealth, intelligence or any other factor,
every person (and every living creature
including the earth) would be treated
with respect. So when the word ‘bullying’
is replaced with ‘disrespect’, it can be
easier to see how you may have engaged
in this behaviour. You see disrespect can
be subtle and, therefore, come in many
forms. Examples include:
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Judging, criticising, bitching or
complaining about others.
Being two faced (i.e. being nice to
someone’s face and then speaking
differently behind their back or
smiling and then rolling your eyes
when they leave the room).
Shaming, belittling, taunting or
putting someone down.
Mimicking someone.
Teasing (i.e. name-calling, insults,
and personal, sexist or racist
remarks).
Not honouring your word (i.e. saying
you’ll do something and not doing
it).
Controlling others (i.e. forcing
people to do things they don’t want
to do; this includes parenting where
fear and anger are used to control
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children as opposed to love and
respect).
Blaming someone for something
you’ve done and not accepting
responsibility for your actions.
Intimidating, controlling, dominating
and manipulating others.
Physically hurting another (e.g.
pushing, tripping, hitting, or
punching).
Cheating, stealing and lying.
Spreading rumours about another.
Taking your anger out on others (e.g.
road rage, wars, retaliating, acting
out of revenge or spite, yelling or
being abusive).
Having two sets of rules (i.e. one for
yourself and one for others –
inequality).
Not accepting others for who they
are (e.g. saying they ‘should be
different’).
Withholding from others.
Excluding others.
Taking advantage of others (greed).
Deceiving or misleading others.
Not treating other people’s property
with care (this includes public
property).
Not listening to others (i.e.
continuing to do something when
someone asks you to stop).
Not trusting those close to you.
Doing hurtful things to animals just
for the fun of it.
Littering or any disrespect towards
the environment.
Being late on a regular basis.
Queue jumping (i.e. pushing in).
Using people.