I am sure someone out there may think weird
about some things I am about to share, most
especially in Africa where the rod method in
bringing up a child is the order of the day. The
question really is, do we think this method is
effective enough or do we need to review it?
One thing I have also noticed is the extensive
gap between the parents and their children. The
closeness is rare, and in such a situation, how do
you earn the trust of your child. Honestly let us take
a practical look at it, a teenage girl with a wide
communication gap from her parents, not due to
distance but in the show of concern and affection,
do such parents expect the child to disclose any
emotional struggle she may be faced with?, Hell
No! The intimacy that could give room for such
confidence is missing. All they had was the parentschild kind of relationship, and this may be worse if
the relationship was a militarian or authoritarianism
type.
Have you ever wondered why in spite of the
dictatorship approach from some parents, children
from such homes still do not turn out best in the
society, because once they get hold of a little
chance or freedom they blow it.
Some of us engage in some wrong approach in
child discipline, like:
• Put the child at arm’s length, not giving the
child any attention
• Rain foul words on the child, which eventually
may run down the child’s confidence
• Beat the child, sometimes leaving some
wounds on him/her
• Starve the child
• Subject the child to rigorous task meant for the
adults, and so on.
Many a times we do not draw a line between child
discipline and child abuse. I understand quite well
that it could be tough raising a child, let alone two
or three or even more, but raising child/children is
a task we have come to accept and we should
gladly be diligent about it.
We can get it right, let us not lose heart. The first
way to getting it right is to develop an intimate
relationship with your kids, no matter your tight
schedule at the office or on your business, our
first responsibility as parents are the children.
Make out time for your family, take the kids out,
have fun. This is one of the best ways to discover
their traits, and you can help correct the traits or
encourage the character. One thing about kids is,
their intellectual ability develops in line with what
they are encouraged on from childhood. In every
child is an adult. If at age four a child is whining
unnecessary and it is becoming a habit, then you
can take a firm stand against it. You know what the
child likes, may be watching cartoon, gift items, or
go to play ball with daddy, or swim with mummy,
loves chocolate, cookies and so on. You could tell
the child that he would not get his preference if he
does not stop whining. Mostly the child stops at this
point because he/she does not want to miss out on
any favorites.
• Build a trust based relationship with your kids.
Give them room to trust you, don’t lie to them.
• Correct them when they go wrong, but do
not let it get into child abuse. If you make your
child your friend at the early age, you would
have little to worry about.
• Know their friends in school and the parents of
the friends, in this way; you get them off the
wrong group.
• Do not take side when your kids disagree
among themselves, it could send a note of
hatred among them if you did.
• Take interest in their studies; don’t ever ignore
any invitation from your child’s school teacher
to discuss on your child. The invitation may be
for his good.
• Perhaps your child has picked up some bad
habits, don’t get mad at him, first understand
the origin, then correct him in love
• Engage your child in activities such as spots,
home work, story books and do not give room
for idleness.
• Encourage them to have siesta after school,
they get relaxed and refreshed from the siesta
before the lesson or assignment time.
• Watch your child’s mood, listen to his
complaints, air his opinion and figure out how
to help him
In every child is an adult who is waiting to be
mentored, that is where the duty of the parents
lies. What a child turns out to be was the mentoring
he/she got from the parents.
Thank you
Roberta
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