Jottings from previous page
... Pierre , the only Rockhopper Penguin recovering in captivity at Perth Zoo in Australia . Staff want to release him back into the wild but meantime have been showing him videos of his species at Edinburgh Zoo to prepare him for the big day .
... a man in the Dordogne region of France who tried to swat a fly and blew up his house . Unfortunately , his electric swatter came into contact with gas leaking from a canister in his home , triggering an explosion which destroyed his kitchen and half the roof . Luckily , the 80-year-old suffered only a burn to his hand . The fate of the fly is still unknown .
... football club SG Ripdorf / Molzen of the 11th tier of German football which last month lost 37-0 to local rival SV Holdenstedt II . After finding out that , in a previous match , their opponents had come into contact with a player infected with Covid-19 , they tried to postpone the match but were denied . Finally , seven players volunteered to play and observed social distancing throughout the game , enabling Holdenstedt to score every couple of minutes .
Quotes
“ Nobody likes me .” – Donald Trump on July 28 walking out of a news conference after defending the use of hydroxychloroquine and Dr . Stella Immanuel , whose videos promoting the “ cure ” were taken down by Facebook , Twitter and YouTube .
“ Our world is not divided by race , colour , gender or religion . Our world is divided into wise people and fools , and fools divide themselves by race , colour , gender or religion .” – Nelson Mandela
“ I think it ’ s time we stopped our cringing embarrassment about our history , about our traditions , and about our culture , and we stopped this general bout of selfrecrimination and wetness .” - UK PM Boris Johnston on the BBC ’ s decision ( later rescinded ) to include “ Land of Hope and Glory ” and “ Rule , Brittania !” but without words at the Last Night of the Proms .
“ We live here . We don ’ t have to .” – Three Madrid woman explaining to police officers why they were not wearing face masks .
“ Cancel culture ’ s refusal to engage with uncomfortable ideas has an asphyxiating effect on the creative soul of a society .” – Rock legend Nick Cave upsetting the snowflakes .
“ There ’ s a Twitter generation hanging around waiting to be offended .” – actor Robbie Coltrane also melting snowflakes .
“ Wokerati ” - an hysterical minority that never misses a chance to demonise the UK as a land of hate and racism , as defined by journalist Carole Malone .
“ Only handle your own balls .” – Covidaware sign seen outside a tennis court in Windsor .
“ All doctors and nurses must be bare below the elbow in this clinic area .” – Seen at Darwent Valley Hospital in Kent .
“ The man who created autocorrect has died . Restaurant in peace .” – Anon .
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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