special report
10 Obiter Dicta
Wild Gesticulation and Whispers of Rhubarb
What I Learnt About Being a Lawyer From the Set of Suits
M
lillianne cadieux-shaw › contributor
y partner and I are in the
middle of a high profile
divorce settlement. We are
having a heated whisperdiscussion on the best legal approach
to the dissolution of this crumbling but
lucrative matrimony.
“We need to respect the boundaries of their terms,” I
whisper to him. “But frankly I don’t think our client
is going to get the yacht.”
He looks me in the eye and nods slowly, ponderously. “Indeed,” he whispers back. “Quite the
dilemma. I’ve often found with law that the best
approach is rhubarb. Rhuuuuuubarb. Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb?”
I narrow my eyes. “Is the law a joke to you? That
yacht is pure gold!” I try to play it straight but my
upper lip twitches in a half-grin.
My partner’s eyes widen and his lips squeeze shut
in an attempt to prevent imminent giggles. He exhales
sharply out his nose. “You cheeky arse,” he whispers
out of the side of his mouth and looks down at his
yellow legal pad to regain his composure. He’s British
so I take his wimpy insult in stride, but, I admit, we
are playing a dangerous game with our nonsensical
legalese. Once the giggles start, they are infectious
and hard to control.
We’ve both been hired as extras on the set of Suits.
I’ve been given the role of Upscale Lawyer #2. Part of
the reason I took this job, and probably a large part of
why I was hired, was the fact that I would be attending law school in a couple months. I figured it might
be a good taste of what being a lawyer would be like.
Before we are called on, I attempt a little foray into
method acting, clicking around the wood-paneled
floor in heels and pearls, rustling the papers in my
arms every now and then, looking at גvF6