GAY FOR PAY: STRAIGHT MEN
HAVING GAY SEX FOR MONEY
GAY FOR PAY
MTV True life: I am a Gay-for-Pay Porn Star, documents the
everyday life of straight men, doing porn for the money aspect of porn, while still having girlfriends and/or straight.
A
new reality show about
straight men who have
sex with other men for
money, titled Broke
Straight Boys, is coming to television later this year. Most people don’t believe these men are
straight at all but gay or bisexual.
But the fact is that many men —
gay, straight and bisexual — can
be sexual with the same sex or
the opposite sex if money is involved. “The cash gets me hard,”
these men will often say. Most
people, however, think that if a
man engages in sex with another
man for ay reason, he cannot be
straight.
Straight men who have
sex with men are punished by the
prejudices and stigma attached
to the act, with people judging
them to be gay when they are
not. Anything seen as non-masculine in a man (and gay sex is
seen as non-masculine in our
culture) is deemed “effeminate”
or “gay” and is punishable under
patriarchal standards. Straight
men even direct this homophobia at themselves for engaging in
sexual behavior with other men,
and the results can be brutal.
Gay men are often the
most critical of these men, believing that they are closeted gay
guys who need to come out. And
many women won’t date men
who have sex with men and will
often end relationships if they discover that their partner has had
sex with another man in the past.
Some women will even avoid
men who have even the slightest
curiosity about gay sex, even if
they never do it. “You must be bisexual or gay,” they say anxiously. Their worry is about being left
for a man; they don’t believe it is
simply a sexual behavior and not
about their partner’s sexual identity as a straight man.
The case of “Josh” (a composite
of many clients I have had) illustrates a deeper understanding of
men who can be “gay for pay.”
The Case of Josh; Josh, a
25-year-old fitness instructor at a
local gym, came to me because
he was having sexual problems
with women he dated. While he
was able to have intercourse with
them, he was no longer able to
enjoy them giving him oral sex.
His problem was that most women he met didn’t like him being
verbal during oral sex: “talking
dirty,” directing and guiding them,
or even just telling them how he
liked it. He simply couldn’t enjoy
oral sex because of these reservations.
“I don’t experience them
as being into it, and that is a turnoff to me,” he told me. “I feel selfish being the only one enjoying
the sex act, and it takes away
from my pleasure.”
Josh was keeping a sec ret from these women: He was
receiving oral sex from men for
money. Josh said he was not gay
and insisted that he couldn’t tell
the women about these experiences or they would judge him
harshly as being gay or bisexual.
As an older teenager, Josh realized that both men and women
were attracted to him. His working out gave him a tight, muscular, carefully sculpted build. He
wasn’t homophobic and denied
any sexual interest in men, but
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