HEALTH & WELLNESS
When living hurts so much that
suicide becomes the only option,
we have failed our brothers and sisters
We are not going to sit here and
talk about the primary and sec-
ondary dangers associated with the
work we do. We have read and heard
it a thousand times.
We are not here to quote statis-
tics or tell you that we have found
the answer, because we haven’t–pri-
marily because there is not one an-
swer. What we hope to accomplish
by writing this article is raise aware-
ness about how precious and fragile each and every life is.
Life is not a dress rehearsal; for most of us, we have one
chance to get it right. If you’re fortunate enough, you might
get a second chance. We are not judges, although like you,
we have judged. Rather, we believe that if we had a road map
to well-being, life might not become so burdensome that for
some, the only answer is suicide.
Our goal is for you the reader to think about what YOU can
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92
NEW JERSEY COPS
■ OCTOBER 2018
do to make a difference in the life of someone else.
Lifesavers can’t always save themselves
In the past 10 years, we have been touched in one way or
another by more than 150 first responder suicides. These are
the people who save lives — they’re not supposed to take their
own. After a while, you almost become emotionally numb to
it. How sad is that?
Our heroes see the horrors of life. Yes, they have also expe-
rienced the joy of saving a life, etc., but it’s the horrors that
leave an imprint in our minds. Far too often, we find ourselves
replaying scenes that won’t stop or shut off. When it’s time to
sleep, the relentless movie projector in our mind turns on, re-
fusing to stop until exhaustion sets in.
Secrets don’t help
When we facilitate therapy groups with first responders, we
often say, “Secrets will keep us sick. It’s easy to talk about what
we want to talk about, but real healing comes when we talk
about the things we don’t want to talk about.” The shame and
guilt we carry will eat at the very fabric of our soul and charac-
ter if we don’t find a way to free ourselves from these feelings.
Can what we say make a difference?
As we ponder the chronic and alarming suicide rate among
our heroes — police officers, correctional officers, firefighters,
military and other first responders — we can’t help but won-
der whether we all are missing something. We ask ourselves,
why are our heroes killing themselves at an alarming rate?
Why do they wind up in such a dark place that the only relief
from the pain is to end their lives?
Is it obvious or a disguise, deceiving all of us? It’s obvious to
the one contemplating suicide, yet those nearby often remain
clueless. Has life gotten so busy that we don’t even have time
to talk or spend a moment with a friend? Are we so wrapped
up in ourselves that we can’t even recognize the pain of oth-
ers?
Are the signs so obvious that they become normal to us?
If only we had asked the question, “Are you thinking about
killing yourself?” Would that have made a difference? Maybe,
maybe not. But how would we feel knowing that at least we
had asked?
Those left behind are often tormented by questions that
perhaps will never have an answer. d
Michael Bizzarro, Ph.D., LCSW, is the clinical director for Princ-
eton House First Responder Treatment Services. Ken Burkert is
the senior outreach coordinator. For information about Princ-
eton House’s First Responder Treatment Program, call Dr. Biz-
zarro at 732-771-7165 or Ken Burkert at 908-346-1691 or visit
princetonhouse.org/firstresponders.