Priorities in Parenting
The Rev. Derrick A. M. Lumsden
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(Reprinted with permission from New Church Perspective)
ere are a few reflections from New Church teachings about parenthood.
Since I am a father my reflections lean in that direction, but most of my
thoughts apply to all parents.
From the Lord’s perspective, parenting is the most important work you
could be doing:
[Marriage’s] use excels all other uses in creation, for by marriage is the orderly
propagation of the human race and also of the angelic heaven, which is from the
human race. (Conjugial Love 156)
Propagation is a fancy way of saying reproduction. Marriage is the Lord’s
mechanism for creating more people. And parenting is the Lord’s mechanism
for getting more angels.
I think a few implications of this passage are really counter-cultural.
Today’s culture holds up marriage and romantic love a s the end in itself. The
purpose of a relationship is personal happiness. But this passage indicates
marriage exists for the sake of the children. Not that the marriage itself isn’t
important; marriages should outlast the children. And not that marriage isn’t
personally fulfilling and brings a lot of happiness. Feeling the joy of another is
love, and with that comes a lot of joy and happiness.
The reason the Lord made marriage with this ability to last forever is
for the sake of the children. (See Conjugial Love 98) I think we are culturally
conditioned to see marriage and a happy relationship as the end in itself, and
children are a means of fulfilling or bettering that relationship and contributing
to personal happiness. But it really is the other way around. The Lord created
this great potential in marriage, because the better the marriage the better off
the children will be.
Another counter-cultural idea is that parenting is the first priority. No one
in our culture rewards great parents. It is in career or hobbies that society
really acknowledges the value of a person. But in the Lord’s eyes success as
a parent is the greatest success you could have. A big part of that success is
the children’s engagement in spiritual things and their ability to be a positive
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