new church life: march / april 2014
and pat them on the arm. He never quit making rounds.”
And in his own way, neither has Jim.
(BMH)
the healing power of ‘i’m sorry’
Another of Jim de Maine’s blogs also comes out of his medical practice but
resonates on every level of life: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.
He starts out quoting an Elton John song: “It’s sad, so sad. Why can’t we
talk it over? Oh, it seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word.”
The blog focuses on mistakes in medicine, which can range from minor
and embarrassing to fatal and mortifying. They are always hard to deal with –
“humiliating and devastating,” Jim says. But they have to be addressed and he
has found that “fessing up is the best thing to do, from a legal standpoint and
certainly from the moral view.”
“But believe me,” he adds, “it’s not easy when you’d rather hide. When one
patient died after a procedure I probably shouldn’t have attempted because he
was so sick, I sat down with the family and explained the whole sequence. The
son had lots of questions, but then looked reflective and said, ‘It must be hard
being a doctor sometimes. Look, it’s OK. Dad was going nowhere and he’s in a
better place now.’ Basically, he let me off the hook.”
Jim has found that having open, honest and contrite discussions with
patients and families – and to apologize – is always the best course. And not
only for doctors, but for all of us, whatever the situation.
There is a lot of potential for healing in just saying, “I’m sorry,” or “I forgive
you.”
As we are taught to pray each day: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our
debtors.”
(BMH)
a last, loving gift
Much of Jim de Maine’s presentation had to do with practical end-of-life issues
– living wills, advanced care directives, Physician Order for Life-Sustaining
Treatment – all to help with end-of-life care and decisions.
But he also spoke about the concept of a spiritual will: what legacy and
values we want to pass on to our loved ones. Much of that is accomplished by
the way we live our lives, by the character we have formed, and the influence
we have had on the lives of others.
Jim mentioned one thoughtful, loving touch that many people are starting
to do: leaving letters and even videos with personal messages to supplement
old family albums. He told of the joy his father and their family experienced
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