Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine November Edition | Page 42

When I was shooting my first short film, I sche-
duled some rest time in, but lupus still reared its
ugly head. After filming, my schedule was filled
with more lab work and doctors’ appointments.
By the time I hit the editing stage of the project,
the doctors were talking biopsy and chemo. Once
I knew there was a chance that I may not be in
a condition to personally follow through on the
film post-production, I contacted my plan B and
put them on notice that their services may be re-
quired.
Flexibility and creativity play a big part in my
being able to tackle big tasks. I work like I will
be there and plan as if I won’t. I normally host a
panel discussion for my book releases not only
because I’m not a big talker, but also because it
allows for someone to step in, if needed, and keep
the event going. It takes some of the stress off
if I’m in a push-through mode. I feel confident
knowing that if I’m unable to host an event, it will
go on without me.
Since stress can set off my Lupus, it’s important
to keep it to a minimum. There is no committing
to anything that I don’t feel I can complete. In a
circumstance that doesn’t allow for someone to
replace me, the best I can do is inform the event
planner. The first Cavalcade of Authors I partici-
pated in, I had to skip eating breakfast and show
up only to read an excerpt. It took me awhile to
shake off that feeling as though I was encased in a
concrete suit and get moving. When I arrived, the
food looked absolutely deliciously, but if I had in-
dulged, it would have put me out of commission
for hours. While I dread speaking, it is also the
area where I’m stretching myself. Which means I
had to alter the other elements within my control
to be able to execute the task. In this scenario, I had to
skip breakfast and grab food later to make sure I could
get through that three-minute read.
Live beyond your self-imposed limits was the instruc-
tion I received from someone I admired long before
I was diagnosed with Lupus. If I wasn’t supposed to
allow my fears to be an excuse for not executing tasks
and stretching myself further, then I cannot allow my
condition to be one. When the voice inside quiets and
no longer screams “fight”, I’m grateful to be blessed
with people who encourage me to keep going ano-
ther day. I know I will stumble, falter, and fall on this
journey. Yet, I have to get up and dust myself off. I
think of the instances when I’ve slipped on ice, fell
and hurt myself. I didn’t stay stretched out where I
fell wallowing in the pain. I got up, wiped the snow
off and limped to my destination. It’s the same thing I
do now with Lupus. Stand up and dust myself off. I’m
hurt and barely shuffling my feet some days, but I’m
still moving forward. I acknowledge the reality of my
situation without being bound and gagged by it.
One of my doctors once told me while I was lying in a
hospital bed, “You should have died. This should have
killed you.” It didn’t, and I continue to fight for my life
like it didn’t. To explore the opportunities life presents.
To try and fail miserably, then try again. To cross more
items off my “anything is possible” list and empty out
my treasure chest. Lupus may have flung me into dar-
kness, and it may have taken a while for my eyes to
adjust, but they now see the stars clearly. My possibi-
lities are as endless as they were when I felt like I was
standing under the rays of the sun.
Karen D. Bradley, a Chicago native, is the author of Shattered Illusions, Life on
Fire, Love Runs Deep and Tained Love. She has co-authored novels with her sister,
Jenetta M. Bradley, and is working on her next novel.
Visit her on the web at www.ambrosiasands.com
42 | NKLC Magazine