Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine November Edition | Page 32

CHAPTER 2 - Fall 2010
A few days after the Halloween madness crept off the radar, there was a new holiday
buzz all over the Pelzer. Like most of the country, Pelzer town folk were broke. They
faced probable turkey-free dinners and severe Christmas giving challenges.
However, from the schoolyard to the junkyard, with the jailhouse and churches in
between, they still held hope for the upcoming holiday.
They snatched down their pumpkin front door decorations and got ready for the
Thanksgiving and Christmas madness. Some folk were brazen and heathen enough to
have a Tom Turkey figure in a manger with a huge Santa on the front porch. The Santa
even had a sack of toys thrown over its back, and a Bible in its hand.
Pelzer folk never allowed reality to derail their delusions. And the Mothers Board
determined that the tradition should continue. So when it came time for the Mothers
Board Quarterly meeting, the first Saturday in November, craziness and chaos tore
down the Welcome sign and moved in.
Extraordinary times called for extreme measures. And no one more extreme than
the Mothers board fit the bill. It was time for the bickering fundraising heads of the
Mothers Board to rumble. They shared the war-mongering crown, cantankerous Mother
Sasha Pray Onn and incontinence plagued, Mother Bea Blister. But with Thanksgiving
and Christmas coming soon, it was time to put into play one of the fundraising schemes
they’d hatched.
Their plots seldom worked, but like most old hens, they just kept on hatching
them.
Early on in the month, Bea and Sasha asked for volunteers to aid in their latest sure-
to-be fiasco. But only three out of hundreds of members came aboard. Those three
forced labor workers, all either over or in their sixties were Elder Bartholomew “Batty”
Brick, Brother Leon Casanova and Trustee Freddie Noel. They came aboard because
Sasha and Bea had threatened to spread untruths, beat the crap out of them or stuff
laxative-laced meals down their throats.
Elder Brick had already served time and didn’t need the rumors. Brother
Casanova was scared of Bea’s violent nature and Sasha’s entire Hellraiser family. And
malnourished-looking trustee Noel just needed a hot home-cooked meal with or without
a laxative from anywhere.
The weather held out that Saturday morning of the meeting. There was just enough
of a chill in the air to chill out the old folk. The five seniors arrived at Crossing Over
Sanctuary church with a combined five hundred years of senility, irregularity and
illusions of Holiness.
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