IT’S ALL
COMEDY
A merry heart does good, like
medicine. Proverbs 17:22 ...
It wasn’t certain if many would attend because
Mother Eternal Ann wasn’t the friendliest of
Saved folk. She was known for knocking folks
out and trying to pray them back. However, I
was obligated to attend as a local reporter for a
local Pelzer, South Carolina rag called the BLAB
(Braggarts, Liars, and Busybodies. It’s where
my reporting ain’t never true, but it’s always
interesting.)
Summertime is here. Some folks are stressing
while others marinate in blessings. Whichever
state you find yourself make sure you pray and
laugh; or you can laugh and pray. The order won’t
matter. Do it. Find something to make you giggle.
Even a funeral has its moments of just downright The weather for this May was rather mild except
foolishness and belly laughs.
a fifteen-minute torrential rain shower; probably
in Mother’s honor since she wasn’t quite
Case in point …
committed to baths and showers. There were
seven pallbearers instead of six since Mother
The “No Hope Now-Mercy Neva church’s Queen Eternal had insisted her godson Chester, (thirty-
of Christian-lite behavior” was a six-feet-tall, two- years old, blue-black complexion and about four-
hundred-and-thirty pound, tan skinned woman foot two), be one of her pallbearers. Normally six
with a big black mole causing her to look like a would’ve been fine carrying the casket purchased
Sumo Black-eye Pea. That seventy-year old ex- from a local Sam’s Club, but Chester couldn’t
stripper and pole destroyer’s name was Mother carry his load, so he walked under the casket
Eternal Ann Everlastin’ from Pelzer, South. She looking like a small chunk of moving coal while
died recently, last Sunday, at her home where someone a lot taller shouldered the heavy load.
she was found wearing drawers with Tuesday
written on them even though she’d been seen Mother Eternal loved jokes so she’d also left
alive the night before. It wasn’t the first time instructions that she be buried in a two-piece
her hygiene had come into question, so it was outfit with her belly bared. Unfortunately, from a
always her duty to bring unopened kosher items distance or even closer, her stretch marks made
to events since prayer was a part of the kosher it look like she was wearing corduroy. It gave a
ritual.
whole ‘nother meaning to “butt ugly” cause she
was placed in that casket facedown.
Her funeral was held last Saturday at the They All
Dyin’ to Git Here Funeral Home and Bingo Parlor. When all the lying from the Funeral Director,
34 Naleighna Kai Literary Cafe Magazine July/August 2017