Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine NK Literary Cafe Magazine - April 2018 Issue | Page 41

“A good attitude equals a positive day.”
Unfortunately, I’m well versed in this area. My
oldest went through bullying that was so horrific
that we transferred schools. Her second year at
the new school, classmates she considered friends
turned out to be something totally different. They
began to pick at her. I kept a running log of names,
dates, and which class that everything occurred in.
She begged me not to say anything, fearing that
the bullying would get worse. Against my better
judgement, I respected her wishes.
Then one day, she snapped, clocking one of the
girls in the eye. The blatant taunting that everyone
was aware of, except the teacher, became too much.
The students had to write a story and present it
to the class. The bullies, collectively, made their
stories about her. And to make matters worse, they
encompassed her, sitting on the sides and directly
behind her desk. That day was the end of an era.
She came home in tears, thinking I would be
disappointed with her. I made sure she understood
that she wasn’t in tr ouble for defending herself. But
that didn’t stop her from feeling bad about what
she did.
Character is everything. While my daughter’s
sobbing in the Principal’s office, fearing what’s
going to happen, the other four students involved
were laughing and joking. Ain’t that some sh*t. I
informed the Principal of the ongoing bullying
and handed over the logs that detailed two months
of continuous harassment. He asked, “Why didn’t
you notify me?” In hindsight, I wish I had. There
were consequences for everyone. He met with
the parents of the offenders and nipped that.
Everyone got suspended, but my daughter was
also suspended from basketball for a short while
because she threw the first and only punch. I didn’t
agree with the basketball suspension, but once she
put that girl in check, she never had a problem with
being bullied again.
My objective with my youngest daughter was teaching
her how to defend herself (before it got that far) by
changing her way of thinking.
The first lesson was following chain of command. As
long as she handled the situation in the right order,
she would be protected if she had to retaliate. First,
tell the teacher of anything said that was intentionally
hurtful or made her feel uncomfortable. She had to
mention it every time it happened and I’d do the same.
Second, ignore the foolishness, but if she couldn’t,
then slap them in the face with a positive response
about herself. They can’t hurt her if she shows them
the things they say have a zero effect on her. Third, if
someone laid hands on her, she had my permission to
defend herself. She could tell the teacher afterwards
and I would deal with the fallout. At no time is it okay
to be someone’s punching bag.
I had to teach her to be mentally tough. Instead of
crying and showing the mean girls they had gotten
the best of her, hit them with, “So, I love me just
the way I am, and your words are unkind, and you
shouldn’t say hurtful things.” Sounds like a lot, right?
It would be easy to say something equally hurtful or
play the dozens as a response, but then what have I
taught her? My goal was to teach her to stand up for
herself, don’t let anyone walk all over her, and to use a
positive attitude to disarm the haters (I mean bullies).
There’s nothing like pissing someone off who’s trying
to hit a nerve by ignoring them or smiling in their
face while saying, “I love me,” then turn around and
continue as if the interaction never occurred. Yeah,
that was second grade. Seven and eight-year-olds. Let
that sink in. It was a character-building year.
Here’s some tips that I’d learned during this process.
Be hypervigilant. Ask open-ended questions, such
as, “What was the best part of your day? What place
in school did you not have any fun today?” During
the time of the bullying, my daughter’s response was
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